Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

[ARtraveler]

Lots of alphabet soup, but that was funny. :bowdown::bowdown:

 

[Bob Denman]

Lots of alphabet soup, but that was funny. :bowdown::bowdown:

There SHOULD be...
(see post #1290!)

 

[PrairieSpyder]

 

[Bob Denman]

That looks PERFECT!! :thumbup:
Except for the wimpy European 9mm handgun... :shocked:

It should have been a .45! :2thumbs:

 

[Bob Denman]

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.

I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"

Being I'm a senior citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.


When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?"


The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, NO!!!"
So I said, "That's a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"


Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though, because; they aren’t very friendly there anyway!!!

 

[PrairieSpyder]

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.

I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"

Being I'm a senior citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.


When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?"


The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, NO!!!"
So I said, "That's a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"


Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though, because; they aren’t very friendly there anyway!!!

:yikes::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.

I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"

Being I'm a senior citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.


When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?"


The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, NO!!!"
So I said, "That's a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"


Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though, because; they aren’t very friendly there anyway!!!

In a way, this really isn't funny because that is the way diabetes was determined to exist many years ago.

In the 17th century, a London physician named Dr. Thomas Willis determined whether his patients had diabetes by sampling their urine. If it had a sweet taste, he diagnosed them with diabetes mellitus, or “honeyed” diabetes. This method of monitoring blood sugars went largely unchanged until the 20th century.

http://www.diabeteshealth.com/blog/the-history-of-diabetes/

But it made me laugh anyway! :roflblack:

 

[retread]

Reminds me of a story a pharmacist friend told me....
In a lab class at pharmacy school, the Professor was giving a demonstration; "This will be a test of your acuity of observation", he picked up a bottle of a yellow liquid, stuck a finger in, and then quickly put a finger in his mouth. "This is the way we used to check for sugar" he said, and then directed the class to do as he had.
When the whole class had gone through the process, and the gagging and spitting was finished, he said "everyone in the class failed, no one noticed that my first finger went into the bottle, my middle finger went into my mouth!"

john

 

[Bob Denman]

In a way, this really isn't funny because that is the way diabetes was determined to exist many years ago.


http://www.diabeteshealth.com/blog/the-history-of-diabetes/

But it made me laugh anyway! :roflblack:

As of April 5th, 2015, I've been a Type 1 diabetic for fifty years...

 

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

As of April 5th, 2015, I've been a Type 1 diabetic for fifty years...

I had a coworker a number of years ago who was Type 1. He was pretty sure it was the result of exposure to agent orange in Vietnam as there was no genetic reason for it, and its onset was after his stint over there. Adult onset of Type 1 is pretty rare, even still I think. He sure was happy when the good insulin pumps came to be. Previously he had to inject 5 times a day. Sadly, he passed away from complications of the diabetes several years ago.

I was diagnosed as Type 2 over 12 years ago. I have a strong family history of it. Mine is fairly well controlled with diet and med. Keeping my fingers crossed that I don't ever have to go to insulin.

 

[Bob Denman]

(Odd to discuss something so potentially serious in this thread... :shocked

I've been using insulin pumps since 2000. Prior to that; I was stabbing myself four times a day. :sour:
My current pump also monitors my blood glucose levels as well... I REALLY like that innovation!! :2thumbs:


...Back to the jokes! :yes::roflblack:

 

[OJ UK]

Smelling sweet!

 

[Bob Denman]

:roflblack: :clap: :2thumbs:

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

Question: What is a specimen?

Answer: An Italian astronaut.

<eyes roll>

Jerry Baumchen

 

[cuznjohn]

ok i am italian and i can do this joke

what is the difference between a italian mother in law and a gorilla

about 2 or 3 pounds

 

[Bob Denman]

You forgot the 2nd part of the answer:
The Gorilla has less facial and body hair!

(My Sister is married to a fella; whose family emigrated from Sicily...)

 

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

(My Sister is married to a fella; whose family emigrated from Sicily...)

For a few years I worked with a guy whose heritage was Sicilian. He made sure we understood clearly that Sicilians were not "Italian"! I mentioned one time that our management team was more dysfunctional than a family of alcoholic Sicilian brothers. "You got that right!" he said. :roflblack:

 

[Blue Star]

ONLY A GRANDMOTHER WOULD KNOW....

One day my Grandma was out, and my Grandpa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys. Grandpa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea,' which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lot of praise for such yummy tea, my Grandma came home. My Grandpa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
Grandma waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grandpa, and she watched him d rink it up. Then she said, (as only a grandma would know), "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

​

IF YOU SEND THIS ON, YOU CAN MAKE ANOTHER GRANDPARENT, AND MAYBE A FUTURE GRANDPARENT SMILE .
​

 

[Blue Star]

Confucius Say

Confucius Say...
Kiss is merely shopping upstairs,
For merchandise downstairs.

Confucius Say...
Better to lose a lover
Than love a loser.

Confucius Say...
Man with broken condom
Often called Daddy

Confucius Say...
Sex is same as bank account.
You put it in, you take it out....you lose interest.

Confucius Say...
Viagra just like Disneyland ...
One hour wait for 5 minute ride.

Confucius Say...
Much better to want the mate you do not have
Than to have the mate you do not want.

Confucius Say...
Joke is like sex.
Neither any good if you don't get it.

 

[Blue Star]

HIGH URINALS

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."

"No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help."