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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
vided
New member
Hahaha
PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, “I’M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I’M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.”
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, “I’M BLONDE, I’M BEAUTIFUL, I’M GOING TO TORONTO AND I’M STAYING RIGHT HERE.”
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON’T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS, “YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I’LL HANDLE THIS, I’M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE.”
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, “OH, I’M SORRY.” AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. I TOLD HER... "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, “I’M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I’M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.”
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, “I’M BLONDE, I’M BEAUTIFUL, I’M GOING TO TORONTO AND I’M STAYING RIGHT HERE.”
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON’T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS, “YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I’LL HANDLE THIS, I’M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE.”
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, “OH, I’M SORRY.” AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. I TOLD HER... "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
vided
New member
Crabs
Frozen Crabs and the Blonde Flight Attendant
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: That's the story of my life... 
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle, please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bugger told you I was speeding too.
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle, please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bugger told you I was speeding too.
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
I hope that it worked for her! :clap: :thumbup:Bob Denman
New member
REDNECK LENT
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a venison steak.
But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was
Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing
such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked
to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. And as the
Priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist,
and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and
the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a venison steak.
But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was
Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing
such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked
to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. And as the
Priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist,
and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and
the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into
Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and
watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully
sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz
raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
cuznjohn
New member
lol that was funny
Bob Denman
New member
I've got MILLIONS of them! :thumbup:One of my hunting buddies was on the circuit with some of America's greatest comics...
Bob Denman
New member
A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope.
He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his
despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.
He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the
sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked
closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?
I still have one good arm to do things with."
He thought, "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so
happy, and going on with his life."
He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms.
He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and
felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his
life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on
with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels
again.
He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I'm NOT happy. My butt itches."
He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his
despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.
He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the
sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked
closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?
I still have one good arm to do things with."
He thought, "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so
happy, and going on with his life."
He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms.
He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and
felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his
life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on
with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels
again.
He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I'm NOT happy. My butt itches."
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
ottawa-rider
Member
I never knew that Canada also had a "Meals on Wheels" Program...
We call it "Incentive to Exercise".
Bob Denman
New member
Nothing helps tap hidden potential like a 600 pound killing machine! :yikes:
PrairieSpyder
New member
I never knew that Canada also had a "Meals on Wheels" Program...
I'll remember that when I'm in Canada this summer. I'm glad I have a motor on my wheels. Otherwise, I'd be "fast food!"
finless
New member
Engineers
So one day a Engineer died and wound up going to hell.
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action.
The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.
The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.
The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks.
He asks the Devil what's going on?
The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."
"What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."
The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Yea right! where are YOU going to get a lawyer up in Heaven?"
So one day a Engineer died and wound up going to hell.
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action.
The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.
The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.
The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks.
He asks the Devil what's going on?
The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."
"What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."
The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Yea right! where are YOU going to get a lawyer up in Heaven?"
Bob Denman
New member
vided
New member
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity level of a twelve-year-old. He stated that it was OK, because he loved her so much. "I, too, have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant, and I hope you could deal with that once we are married." She answered, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis." Sandy and Jim got married, and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite, and they started touch-teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She exclaimed, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"
"Yes, it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, nineteen inches long!"
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
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[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity level of a twelve-year-old. He stated that it was OK, because he loved her so much. "I, too, have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant, and I hope you could deal with that once we are married." She answered, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis." Sandy and Jim got married, and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite, and they started touch-teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She exclaimed, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"
"Yes, it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, nineteen inches long!"
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
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[/FONT]
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Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: Put in your earplugs... :yikes:
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