Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

:yikes: :roflblack: :clap: :2thumbs:

 

[Trickie Dick]

Massage Therapy

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!" she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels great" he replied, "but I still think my thumb's broken."...

 

[Woody]

Take a close look at the upper right of this picture. Bob Denman, Do you have a second hobby behind Spyders?

 

[Bob Denman]

:dontknow: Which picture? :dontknow:

 

[Woody]

]View attachment 84938 Expand this photo and Take a close look at the upper right. - (The one with the boxer dog) Cant seem to get it right this morning.

 

[Bob Denman]

I guess that's one story that I'll NEVER tell! :roflblack:

 

[bruiser]

Got a part time job last week. I went to work at the local AAMCO shop. I quit this morning. The work was to exhausting. I do have another part time job lined up tomorrow.

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[bruiser]

Started my new part time job yesterday at the well drilling company. Quit this afternoon. Too boring.

 

[Bob Denman]

I've been working part-time as a hitman for the mob...
I'm making a killing!!

 

[Bob Denman]

Some Bar Humor...

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."


I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

 

[bruiser]

badda bing. :roflblack:

 

[bruiser]

Worked part time as a refuse collector. Got tired of all the trash I had to pick up.

 

[bruiser]

Worked on a farm counting sheep. Got fired for falling asleep on the job.

 

[Bob Denman]

I got a job as a line-worker for a plant producing the new LED light bulbs..
I ilked it ; it was... enlightening!!

 

[Black Pig]

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."


I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

I had tears in y eyes and the end of these....

Brilliant!