Bob Denman
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:shocked: 
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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
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Bob Denman
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Here's the latest in environmentally friendly lawn mower technology...
Bob Denman
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Bob Denman
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Friends, don't let friends...
Bob Denman
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Bob Denman
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Bob Denman
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Bob Denman
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Bob Denman
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The Final Exam
At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...
For 95 points: Which tire? _________
At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...
For 95 points: Which tire? _________
ThreeWheels
Active member
Three Logicians (experts in logic) walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the first one "Do all of you want a drink?"
The first logician answers "I don't know"
The bartender asks the second one "Do all of you want a drink?"
The second logician answers "I don't know"
The bartender asks the third one "Do all of you want a drink?"
The third logician answers "Why YES we do"
How did he know ?
The bartender asks the first one "Do all of you want a drink?"
The first logician answers "I don't know"
The bartender asks the second one "Do all of you want a drink?"
The second logician answers "I don't know"
The bartender asks the third one "Do all of you want a drink?"
The third logician answers "Why YES we do"
How did he know ?
Bob Denman
New member
Because they didn't use the rest room, or ask for directions; they MUST have been there for a drink... :thumbup:
dontknow
dontknowBob Denman
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Two Canadian Fench Canadian hunters and brothers named Maurice and Jacques, hired a pilot to fly them into the
Canadian wilderness where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters,
their gear and one Moose.
The hunters objected, saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and
he had exactly the same airplane as yours."
Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot,
gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load,
and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Maurice and Jacques had
survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Maurice asked Jacques, "Any idea where we are?"
Jacques replied, "I think we're in aboat the same area as where we crashed last year."
Canadian wilderness where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters,
their gear and one Moose.
The hunters objected, saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and
he had exactly the same airplane as yours."
Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot,
gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load,
and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Maurice and Jacques had
survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Maurice asked Jacques, "Any idea where we are?"
Jacques replied, "I think we're in aboat the same area as where we crashed last year."
snics
Member
Only us French Canadians have the balls of steels to get back in an airplane we know is going to crash for a second time.
:bdh::bdh:
Bob Denman
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My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge,
and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, "You appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's
license anymore."
"You don't need a driver's license anymore?!?"
That's right! The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license.
I told him 'yes' and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in
the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore'.
So I thanked him and left!"
and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, "You appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's
license anymore."
"You don't need a driver's license anymore?!?"
That's right! The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license.
I told him 'yes' and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in
the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore'.
So I thanked him and left!"
Bob Denman
New member
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services,
when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled:
"Stop! Acts 2:38!"(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that
your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained
what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar:
"Why did you just stand there?
All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.
'Scripture?" replied the burglar.
"She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!!!"
when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled:
"Stop! Acts 2:38!"(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that
your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained
what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar:
"Why did you just stand there?
All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.
'Scripture?" replied the burglar.
"She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!!!"
Bob Denman
New member
The New Math...
I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from
my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her
discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction
to her, she stood there and cried.. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In 1950s (when I was in school)
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
2. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit ?
4. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for
class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?
(There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok).
6. Teaching Math In 2010
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
ANSWER: His profit was $375,000 because his logging business is just a front for his marijuana farm.
I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from
my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her
discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction
to her, she stood there and cried.. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In 1950s (when I was in school)
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
2. Teaching Math In 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit ?
4. Teaching Math In 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for
class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?
(There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok).
6. Teaching Math In 2010
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
ANSWER: His profit was $375,000 because his logging business is just a front for his marijuana farm.
WOMEN ARE UNIQUE ....
Husband’s Message (by cellphone):
Honey, a car has hit me outside of the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
They have been making tests and taking X-rays .
The blow to my head has been very strong.
Fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife’s Response:
Who is Paula?
Husband’s Message (by cellphone):
Honey, a car has hit me outside of the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
They have been making tests and taking X-rays .
The blow to my head has been very strong.
Fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife’s Response:
Who is Paula?
Bruce and Jenny: A Love Story
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,
but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10..
Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies,
"In Jenny's room.
It's bigger than mine
and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed
Bruce has put so much thought into this.
"Well Bruce,
it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
little children
of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little **** is adorable.
but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10..
Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies,
"In Jenny's room.
It's bigger than mine
and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed
Bruce has put so much thought into this.
"Well Bruce,
it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
little children
of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little **** is adorable.
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