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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Black Pig
New member
Father’s Day is to thank Dad for nailing your mother.
Mother’s Day is to thank Mum for not swallowing you.
..............
My mates called me a tight arse. So I decided to buy them a beer to prove I'm not.
Turns out they wanted one each.
...............
My wife texted me saying, "CAN YOU PICK ME UP AT WORK? X."
I texted back, "Yes, and there's no need to shout."
She replied, "Sorry, a bus was driving past."
...............
Two blokes are in hospital,laid in beds waiting to go into theatre
One says to the other "What you in for"?
The other replies "Endoscopy"
"What's that then"? the first bloke asks.
"They'll send a camera down my throat into my stomach and look for things like ulcers or even cancers, what you in for"? replies the second bloke.
"Camera up my jacksy" says the first bloke.
"Do you mean a Colonoscopy"? says the second bloke
"Nah", says the first bloke,"The missus caught me taking pictures of the next door neighbour sunbathing nude in her back garden"
...........
Mary had a Little Lamb.
A nursery rhyme in England. A porn film in Wales.
...........
Losing your wife is hard.
Trust me, I've been trying for years.
...........
The best way to smuggle drugs is to place them up a dog's arse.
if the sniffer dog suspects, the officials'll think they're just being frisky.
...........
How to work out your twat name.
Take your first name and replace it with Piers.
Now take your surname and replace it with Morgan.
.............
I got sent out of class today at school for being too sarcastic.
The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them?' I replied, "Hello?"
Mother’s Day is to thank Mum for not swallowing you.
..............
My mates called me a tight arse. So I decided to buy them a beer to prove I'm not.
Turns out they wanted one each.
...............
My wife texted me saying, "CAN YOU PICK ME UP AT WORK? X."
I texted back, "Yes, and there's no need to shout."
She replied, "Sorry, a bus was driving past."
...............
Two blokes are in hospital,laid in beds waiting to go into theatre
One says to the other "What you in for"?
The other replies "Endoscopy"
"What's that then"? the first bloke asks.
"They'll send a camera down my throat into my stomach and look for things like ulcers or even cancers, what you in for"? replies the second bloke.
"Camera up my jacksy" says the first bloke.
"Do you mean a Colonoscopy"? says the second bloke
"Nah", says the first bloke,"The missus caught me taking pictures of the next door neighbour sunbathing nude in her back garden"
...........
Mary had a Little Lamb.
A nursery rhyme in England. A porn film in Wales.
...........
Losing your wife is hard.
Trust me, I've been trying for years.
...........
The best way to smuggle drugs is to place them up a dog's arse.
if the sniffer dog suspects, the officials'll think they're just being frisky.
...........
How to work out your twat name.
Take your first name and replace it with Piers.
Now take your surname and replace it with Morgan.
.............
I got sent out of class today at school for being too sarcastic.
The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them?' I replied, "Hello?"
SpyderConvert
Member
Hot Coffee And Grandaughters
On February 1st, I asked:
“What special day is it tomorrow?”
Without skipping a beat, she said, "It's U.S. Congressman's Day!"
She's smart, so I asked her "What does that mean?"
I was not ready for what she was about to say.
She replied, "U.S. Congressman's Day is when they step out of the Capital Building and see their shadow;
then we have 4 more years of B.S."
Did you know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose?
On February 1st, I asked:
“What special day is it tomorrow?”
Without skipping a beat, she said, "It's U.S. Congressman's Day!"
She's smart, so I asked her "What does that mean?"
I was not ready for what she was about to say.
She replied, "U.S. Congressman's Day is when they step out of the Capital Building and see their shadow;
then we have 4 more years of B.S."
Did you know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose?
Last edited:
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: This this mean that we can't blame Phil anymore? :dontknow:
Bob Denman
New member
A friend of mine once told me that he gets all teary-eyed; when his partner makes love to him...
I thought that he was just a sissy, until I remembered that he's still in Prison! :shocked:
I thought that he was just a sissy, until I remembered that he's still in Prison! :shocked:
SpyderConvert
Member
From A Greeting Card - Rude
SpyderConvert
Member
Men & Women
Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life.?”
The woman replied, “My husband’s check book.! !”
A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’"
Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor.!”
Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – darling, honey, luv. What’s the secret.?"
Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her."
Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription ...
Simply showing marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not enough.!
For MEN.....and WOMEN with a bit of humor.? ?
A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever. Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.
There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened.!
Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument
When a married man says, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT - what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it.?"
The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake.! "
Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life.?”
The woman replied, “My husband’s check book.! !”
A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’"
Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor.!”
Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – darling, honey, luv. What’s the secret.?"
Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her."
Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription ...
Simply showing marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not enough.!
For MEN.....and WOMEN with a bit of humor.? ?
A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever. Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.
There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened.!
Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument
When a married man says, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT - what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it.?"
The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake.! "
Bob Denman
New member
A retired older couple returned to a Cadillac dealership where the
salesman has just sold the car they had been keen on buying to a
beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini-skirt and a halter top.
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply:
"Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised
the $55,000 asking price. Yet I just overheard you close the deal for
$45,000 to that lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you
had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."
The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a
large glass of water.
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any
financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied
the grinning salesman sheepishly.
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car
keys to the old man.
"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the
price. See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."
salesman has just sold the car they had been keen on buying to a
beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini-skirt and a halter top.
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply:
"Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised
the $55,000 asking price. Yet I just overheard you close the deal for
$45,000 to that lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you
had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."
The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a
large glass of water.
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any
financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied
the grinning salesman sheepishly.
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car
keys to the old man.
"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the
price. See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."
vided
New member
| Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'. |
| Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/  |
Last edited:
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: That poor woman! :shocked:
SpyderConvert
Member
Stupid Signs For Stupid People
Bob Denman
New member
But I bet that he made out like a bandit on Mother's Day! :roflblack:
vided
New member
I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists' high counter is located.
I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.
The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?
Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along.
He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.
Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he was finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?"
The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"
I said, "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"
I am not allowed to go back to that CVS, but I really don't care, because they aren't very friendly there anymore!
I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.
The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?
Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along.
He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.
Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he was finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?"
The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"
I said, "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"
I am not allowed to go back to that CVS, but I really don't care, because they aren't very friendly there anymore!
IdahoMtnSpyder
Active member
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