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Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

The Old Golfer

A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedre, Florida, exactly the way
the pros do it.

The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something the golfer had tried
hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water.

Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other
"average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.

Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer.
However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying,

"Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one, a Titleist ProV1 if you have it."

The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to
finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "Wait. Step back. Take a practice swing."

So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.

The voice boomed out again, "Take another practice swing."

Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited; a long silence followed.

Then, the voice again, "Use the old ball."
 
John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go
golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn.


So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a
terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and
asked the attractive lady who answered the door if
they could spend the night.


‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this
huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,'
she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if
I let you stay in my house.'


'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the
barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first
light.'
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to
the barn and settled in for the night.


Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got
on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected
letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to
figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from
the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the
golf weekend.


He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn,
do you remember that good-looking widow from the
farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about
9 months ago?'
‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn


'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night,
go up to the house and pay her a visit?'


'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about
being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'


'And did you happen to give her my name instead of
telling her your name?'
Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look,
I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'


‘She just died and left me everything.'




(And you thought the ending would be different,
didn't you?...
You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the
rest of the day.
 
This one is probably wayyyy over the edge...

What the Hell! :D

There are two 35 year old bachelors at opposite ends of the Country:

One of them is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers, and the other one is receiving "oral favors" from a ninety year old prostitute.. :opps:

But they're both thinking the EXACT same thing!!

What is it??? :dontknow:



























...Don't look down! :yikes:
 
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