-
There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
The Request:
I, Mr. P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for thefollowing reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation..
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
Mr. P. Niss
The Management Response:
Dear Mr. P. Niss,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay inyour designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in orderto start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed theassigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exitingthe workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
Ms. V. Gina
pps:
Jerry Baumchen
The Request:
I, Mr. P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for thefollowing reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation..
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
Mr. P. Niss
The Management Response:
Dear Mr. P. Niss,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay inyour designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in orderto start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed theassigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exitingthe workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
Ms. V. Gina
pps:Jerry Baumchen
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
He said to her: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said to him: You wear pants don't you?
He said to her: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said to him: That's a good idea -you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to her: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said to him: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to her: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said to him: They don't have time.
He said to her: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said to him: I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to her: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
She said to him: They already have boyfriends.
He said to her: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
She said to him: A widow.
He said to her: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said to him: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
He said to her: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said to him: You wear pants don't you?
He said to her: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said to him: That's a good idea -you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to her: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said to him: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to her: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said to him: They don't have time.
He said to her: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said to him: I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to her: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
She said to him: They already have boyfriends.
He said to her: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
She said to him: A widow.
He said to her: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said to him: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: And THAT's when the fight started! 
Princeau99
New member
Not since 1955
A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted
by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the
Sergeant Major for conversation.
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks
like you have seen a lot of action.'
'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to
chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to
'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned
against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much
since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his
watch, 'I Hope Not; It's only 2130 now.'
A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted
by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the
Sergeant Major for conversation.
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks
like you have seen a lot of action.'
'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to
chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to
'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned
against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much
since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his
watch, 'I Hope Not; It's only 2130 now.'
Princeau99
New member
Dear Dr Ruth
Last edited:
Princeau99
New member
New seat belt!
Princeau99
New member
Maybe a re-run, but still good!
Bob Denman
New member
What a GREAT idea! :clap:If you do this at Walt Disney World; be sure to have some mouse ears sticking out of the package... :roflblack:
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
Business was terrible and not picking up.
The boss had to fire somebody. He narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”
"Could you just jack off?" she says. "I feel like crap."
:lecturef_smilie:
Jerry Baumchen
Business was terrible and not picking up.
The boss had to fire somebody. He narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”
"Could you just jack off?" she says. "I feel like crap."
:lecturef_smilie:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: I guess that her response made his decision seem easier... :clap:
Iamjoey
New member
The old cemetery on the outskirt of town.
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
PW2013STL
Active member
Proud To Be An AMERICAN
Investment advice:
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines 5 years ago, you would have $49.00 today .
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG 5 years ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers 5 years ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401- Keg.
And as a bonus...
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you damned proud to be an American!
Investment advice:
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines 5 years ago, you would have $49.00 today .
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG 5 years ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers 5 years ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401- Keg.
And as a bonus...
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you damned proud to be an American!
Bob Denman
New member
I am all choked-up with pride... :thumbup:
Cruzr Joe
New member
Which brand of beer has the heaviest aluminum can? (i want to get the most out of my money).
Bob Denman
New member
Don't forget, Joe...
A heavier can probably has thicker walls...
That would mean that there's LESS beer inside! :yikes:
A heavier can probably has thicker walls...
That would mean that there's LESS beer inside! :yikes:
ThreeWheels
Active member
Thanks. I'll keep this in mind for SpyderQuest.
PW2013STL
Active member
Trees
[TABLE="width: 672"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 640, bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 10"]Two old trees in the forest started arguing about a young sapling that was growing below them.[/TD]
[TD="width: 64, bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="width: 64, bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="width: 64, bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="width: 64, bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 12"]One said - "That's a fine son of a birch" whereas as the other fired back "Your wrong as that is one fine son of a beech".[/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 14"]This argument continued on and off for years with one claming "That's a son of a beech" and the other claming "That's a son of a birch". [/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 11"]One day a woodpecker was flying by when the trees called out to him. "
Please help us settle this argument". [/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 12"]"I say it's a son of a birch", and "I say it's a son of a beech".
The woodpecker said that he would fly down and settle this.[/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 14"]The woodpecker was gone a long time and the trees were wondering what became of him when they spotted him wobbly flying back to them.[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 14"]When he was near the first tree shouted out "It's a son of a beech - right", and the second tree shouted out "No it's a son of a birch - right". [/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 11"]The woodpecker replied "Your both wrong as that's the finest piece of Ash that I have ever put my pecker in"[/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
[TABLE="width: 672"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 640, bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 10"]Two old trees in the forest started arguing about a young sapling that was growing below them.[/TD]
[TD="width: 64, bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="width: 64, bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="width: 64, bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="width: 64, bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 12"]One said - "That's a fine son of a birch" whereas as the other fired back "Your wrong as that is one fine son of a beech".[/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 14"]This argument continued on and off for years with one claming "That's a son of a beech" and the other claming "That's a son of a birch". [/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 11"]One day a woodpecker was flying by when the trees called out to him. "
Please help us settle this argument". [/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 12"]"I say it's a son of a birch", and "I say it's a son of a beech".
The woodpecker said that he would fly down and settle this.[/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 14"]The woodpecker was gone a long time and the trees were wondering what became of him when they spotted him wobbly flying back to them.[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 14"]When he was near the first tree shouted out "It's a son of a beech - right", and the second tree shouted out "No it's a son of a birch - right". [/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent, colspan: 11"]The woodpecker replied "Your both wrong as that's the finest piece of Ash that I have ever put my pecker in"[/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[TD="bgcolor: transparent"][/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
Similar threads
