Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[SpyderConvert]

Burma Shave

Burma Shave Signs (Burma Shave was headquarted in Minneapolis. Their first building was demolished last year.)

DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
Burma Shave

TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave

SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave



AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave

http://burma-shave.org/jingles/

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[SpyderConvert]

Catskill/Borscht Belt Humor

The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”

Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I am 60!” Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”

Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.” Doctor: “Don’t answer!”

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”
The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is because Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

A man called his mother in Florida , “Mom, how are you?” “Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.” The son said, “Why are you so weak?” She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.” The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?” The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, “What part is it?” The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.” “The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

Question: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”

Short summary of every Jewish holiday — They tried to kill us. We survived. Let’s eat.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.” “Force yourself,” she replied.

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap: This one is going to all of my Jewish friends! :thumbup:

:shocked: Oye…

 

[Lew L]

That's " oy vey ist mir " to those who know. As long as you're not a "nudge"

 

[PrairieSpyder]

We need a rim-shot gif.

I think someone's been reading old vaudeville scripts!

 

[Bob Denman]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CdVTCDdEwI

 

[Bfromla]

Unintentionally accurate

came across this tonight while out Christmas shopping. nojoke
Also would like to remember the reason for the season wishing everyone a Merry Christmas & safe everything: travels, families, food, coco& hot chocolate, etc etc:yes::yes:

 

[PrairieSpyder]

 

[Bob Denman]

:bowdown: I always knew that I had good reasons for liking you so much!

 

[UtahPete]

...would like to remember the reason for the season View attachment 167955 wishing everyone a Merry Christmas & safe everything: travels, families, food, coco& hot chocolate, etc etc:yes::yes:

I don't understand the joke. nojoke

 

[wyliec]

I don't understand the joke. nojoke

I think the first picture, which is sideways, is depicting a homeless person laying down; something like a homeless person crossing. I'm not sure b/c it's not a very clear picture, and being sideways doesn't help either. The 2nd picture is self explanatory.

 

[UtahPete]

I think the first picture, which is sideways, is depicting a homeless person laying down; something like a homeless person crossing. I'm not sure b/c it's not a very clear picture, and being sideways doesn't help either. The 2nd picture is self explanatory.

So, the second picture is a joke? :dontknow:

 

[wyliec]

So, the second picture is a joke? :dontknow:

I don't think either one is a joke. The 2nd picture is meant to show you the true meaning of Christmas, and it isn't Santa. I think you've mentioned before your stance on religion; so, I'll leave you at this point.

 

[UtahPete]

I don't think either one is a joke. The 2nd picture is meant to show you the true meaning of Christmas, and it isn't Santa. I think you've mentioned before your stance on religion; so, I'll leave you at this point.

I did not think of the second picture as a joke, so I didn't get why it is in the joke thread...

 

[Peter Aawen]

Well, I did not think of the second picture as a joke, so I didn't get why it is in the joke thread...

Cos the bit of that sentence that you left out of your quote, ie, the 'Also' bit at the beginning, was (I believe, anyway) intended to make it clear to most readers that what followed WASN'T MEANT to be a joke but intended to remind us that no matter how funny or not you might find any of the preceding 'Christmas joke' stuff in that post or any other might or might not be, there is an underlying reason for why we actually celebrate Christmas in the first place!! You don't hafta believe it, you don't even hafta celebrate it, but it's STILL the underlying reason that your country & mine celebrate the event.

And getting back to Christmas jokes....

here’s a Christmas Challenge for you all!

Can you name all 10 of Santa’s Reindeer?







Most people remember the easy names; there's Dasher & Dancer, Prancer & Vixen, Comet & Cupid, & Donner and Blitzen (that’s 8)

Then there's Rudolph (9), but most get stuck on number 10. Do you know its name??





C'mon, it's Olive!!

You know, Olive the Reindeer.

Don’t you remember Olive? Of course you do, just sing the song:

"..…Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names, they never let poor Rudolph join in any Reindeer games.”

See, 10 Reindeer names! :clap:

 

[Bob Denman]

Technically speaking..l There is also an 11th Reindeer: Chet!

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: Uh-oh...

 

[Bfromla]

Cos the bit of that sentence that you left out of your quote, ie, the 'Also' bit at the beginning, was (I believe, anyway) intended to make it clear to most readers that what followed WASN'T MEANT to be a joke but intended to remind us that no matter how funny or not you might find any of the preceding 'Christmas joke' stuff in that post or any other might or might not be, there is an underlying reason for why we actually celebrate Christmas in the first place!! You don't hafta believe it, you don't even hafta celebrate it, but it's STILL the underlying reason that your country & mine celebrate the event.

And getting back to Christmas jokes....

here’s a Christmas Challenge for you all!

Can you name all 10 of Santa’s Reindeer?







Most people remember the easy names; there's Dasher & Dancer, Prancer & Vixen, Comet & Cupid, & Donner and Blitzen (that’s 8)

Then there's Rudolph (9), but most get stuck on number 10. Do you know its name??





C'mon, it's Olive!!

You know, Olive the Reindeer.

Don’t you remember Olive? Of course you do, just sing the song:

"..…Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names, they never let poor Rudolph join in any Reindeer games.”

See, 10 Reindeer names! :clap:

thank you for the assist & the reindeer list:thumbup: sorry about the sideways pic , FYI it was actually a pedestrian crosswalk sign that the top came loose so the crosswalk figure looks like the slip & fall sign for the ENTIRE crossing not just a little fold out slip & fall sign.

 

[mowin]