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who opened the bag of stupid
- Thread starter vided
- Start date
oldguyinTX
New member
Bob Denman
New member
PrairieSpyder
New member
I wonder how she reached adulthood! :yikes:
Bob Denman
New member
Last edited:
vided
New member
Bob Denman
New member
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically
in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of
the fence.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod,
and drove\ it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out i
n the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to
throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep
in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still.
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my
head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of **** lawnmower were fighting
over who would control my electrical impulses.
Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels
emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second.. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along
and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between
but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm
down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those pieces of **** chargers
made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground
rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to
have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
Damn!, I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run
pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think
'Oh God please die.... Pleeeeaze die'.
But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go
command from its owner's right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not
take me that day.....he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created..
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire...I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me,
out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had
laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow
let go of the wire..
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4- My left eye will not open.
5- My right eye will not close.
6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something,
because it was better than new after that.
7- My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot
long.
8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???)..
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always
triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to
him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow
in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of
the fence.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod,
and drove\ it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out i
n the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to
throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep
in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still.
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my
head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of **** lawnmower were fighting
over who would control my electrical impulses.
Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels
emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second.. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along
and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between
but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm
down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those pieces of **** chargers
made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground
rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to
have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
Damn!, I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run
pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think
'Oh God please die.... Pleeeeaze die'.
But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go
command from its owner's right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not
take me that day.....he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created..
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire...I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me,
out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had
laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow
let go of the wire..
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4- My left eye will not open.
5- My right eye will not close.
6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something,
because it was better than new after that.
7- My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot
long.
8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???)..
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always
triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to
him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow
Bob Denman
New member
IdahoMtnSpyder
Active member
No video on the page that opens up for me. Found it on YouTube. What a waste of time watching it.
Last edited:
JimVonBaden
New member
What a $h!thead! :banghead:
Machinegunner
New member
It looked to me like she was wearing rubber boots. That would mean there was no ground, therefore, no shock. I don't think the cow pie was planned though.
Bob Denman
New member
I couldn't tell if they were rubber, or just leather... :dontknow:
The Cows sure thought that it was funny! :roflblack:
Last edited:
Bfromla
Well-known member
Yes they did.
Now would be great time to have few vending machines all in adult restricted business filled with
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