Bob Denman
New member
:shocked:
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
~ ~ ~
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
~ ~ ~
-
There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
~ ~ ~
Bob Denman
New member
A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi
in New York City and laid down on the back seat.
The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide
and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you,
honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"
The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady I
vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I
come from." The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well,
if you're not staring at my naked body, what are you doing then?"
He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell,M'am,
I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,'Vair in da
hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?
in New York City and laid down on the back seat.
The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide
and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you,
honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"
The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady I
vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I
come from." The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well,
if you're not staring at my naked body, what are you doing then?"
He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell,M'am,
I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself,'Vair in da
hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?
Bob Denman
New member
Missing Wife....The Male Mind.
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:
Husband : I've lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.
Sergeant : What is her height ?
Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .
Sergeant : Build?
Husband : Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : Color of eyes?
Husband : Never noticed.
Sergeant : Color of hair?
Husband : Changes according to season.
Sergeant : What was she wearing?
Husband : Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Husband : yes.
Sergeant : What kind of car was it?
Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door....at this point the husband started crying....
Sergeant : Don't worry sir....We’ll find your car.
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:
Husband : I've lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.
Sergeant : What is her height ?
Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .
Sergeant : Build?
Husband : Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : Color of eyes?
Husband : Never noticed.
Sergeant : Color of hair?
Husband : Changes according to season.
Sergeant : What was she wearing?
Husband : Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Husband : yes.
Sergeant : What kind of car was it?
Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door....at this point the husband started crying....
Sergeant : Don't worry sir....We’ll find your car.
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy,"You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman, he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a big dent in that pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is still untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese fellat hat he awasa in acharge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese feller in charge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to lookf or the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells:
"SUPPLIES."
:joke:
Jerry Baumchen
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy,"You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman, he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a big dent in that pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is still untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese fellat hat he awasa in acharge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese feller in charge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to lookf or the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells:
"SUPPLIES."
:joke:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
Seen on a Bumper sticker attached to a 1984 Ford F150 pickup; just before closing time...
"I don't get Drunk..."
"I get AWESOME!"
"I don't get Drunk..."
"I get AWESOME!"
draboo
New member
Those Crazy Norsks!
A young Minnesota farm couple, Ole and Lena, got married and just
couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Ole left
the house for the fields, they made love. When Ole came back from the
fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their "nooner"; it took Ole a half hour to travel home
and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't
getting enough work done. Finally Ole asked the town doctor what to do.
"Ole," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with
you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That
will be Lena's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Ole came back
to the doctor's office. "What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked real good," said Ole. "Whenever I was in the mood, I
fired off a shot like you said and Lena'd come runnin'. We'd find a
secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."
"Good, Ole. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
*"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."
A young Minnesota farm couple, Ole and Lena, got married and just
couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Ole left
the house for the fields, they made love. When Ole came back from the
fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their "nooner"; it took Ole a half hour to travel home
and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't
getting enough work done. Finally Ole asked the town doctor what to do.
"Ole," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with
you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That
will be Lena's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while. Ole came back
to the doctor's office. "What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
"Oh, it worked real good," said Ole. "Whenever I was in the mood, I
fired off a shot like you said and Lena'd come runnin'. We'd find a
secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again."
"Good, Ole. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
*"I ain't seen her since huntin' season started."
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked:
Speaking of sex...
Did you hear the one about the Gay Midget??
He finally came out of the Cupboard...
Speaking of sex...
Did you hear the one about the Gay Midget??
He finally came out of the Cupboard...
Spyder_Cowgirl
GOS member (Girls On Spyders)
Oh Dear -- LOL
Oh Bob! Boo Hiss, shame on you, that's TERRIBLE! .... but funny!
Best Regards ..... Ann
Oh Bob! Boo Hiss, shame on you, that's TERRIBLE! .... but funny!
Best Regards ..... Ann
Bob Denman
New member
pps: I felt as if it was pretty close to being objectionable on several levels; but also thought it was funny enough to give it a shot...The Guy who told it to me; wanted to post it; but felt a bit "gun-shy"...
cuznjohn
New member
now that's funny stuff
Bob Denman
New member
Thanks, John... 
:2thumbs:
:2thumbs:
cuznjohn
New member
blonde joke,
two blonds were walking in the woods and got separated, one ended up on one side of a river and the other was on the other side of the same river,,, so the one blonde yells to the other, how do i get to the other side of the river,, and the other blonde yells back,,, you are on the other side
two blonds were walking in the woods and got separated, one ended up on one side of a river and the other was on the other side of the same river,,, so the one blonde yells to the other, how do i get to the other side of the river,, and the other blonde yells back,,, you are on the other side
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
ursamajor35126
New member
Age has its benefits.
Bob Denman
New member
:agree:
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.
At a session, the priest asked Giuseppe, a second generation Italian immigrant, and approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes to share an insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nice, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'
The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!
Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for the 50th wedding anniversary?'
Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.
At a session, the priest asked Giuseppe, a second generation Italian immigrant, and approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes to share an insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nice, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'
The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!
Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for the 50th wedding anniversary?'
Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
cuznjohn
New member
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