Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

 

[cuznjohn]

a real hog

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap: I think that I'd like to see some more pictures of his bike... :firstplace:

 

[ARtraveler]

Now that is a real HOG. :bowdown:

 

[Bob Denman]

I wonder if this is the model that they used for the bodywork?

 

[mowin]

Or this one...

 

[Bob Denman]

Rob,
All that I can say about THAT one, is:

 

[Bfromla]

For some reason i keep thinking of the joke with the monkey trying to put the cork back in! ... Lol


(If you dont know it look it up)

 

[vided]

 

[vided]

For some reason i keep thinking of the joke with the monkey trying to put the cork back in! ... Lol


(If you dont know it look it up)

 

[Bob Denman]

For some reason i keep thinking of the joke with the monkey trying to put the cork back in! ... Lol
(If you dont know it look it up)

You just KNEW that I would; didn't you?

There were these three farmers that wanted to win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They decide that they should stick a cork in the pigs ass and feed him for a month before the fair. The only problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to stick the cork in. So they bought a monkey and trained him to stick corks in bottles. After a week or two of this, they stick the monkey in the pen with the pig and a cork, and after a minute, the monkey did what he was supposed to do. The farmers fed the pig for a month and sure enough, they won first prize. Once they got home, they realized they still had to take the cork out. So they trained this same monkey to take corks out of bottles. They stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig, and the farmers woke up three days later in the hospital with a reporter sitting next to them. The reporter asked the first farmer, "What is the last thing you remember?" "**** flying everywhere," the farmer replied. The reporter asked the second farmer the same question and got the same response. When she got to the third farmer and asked him what he could remember, he started crying. The reporter asked, "What's the matter?" The farmer replied, "The last thing I remember is the look on the poor monkey's face as he tried to stick the cork back in."

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[cuznjohn]

hey bob

do you know how you tell the difference between a oral and a recital thermometer





BY THE TASTE

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: I thought that they ALL tasted like crap! :dontknow:

 

[Bfromla]

You just KNEW that I would; didn't you?

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

Have you seriously not heard that 1?

Well now you know it you can enjoy all the random events you will encounter where a "monkey & cork" phrase fits perfectly. (Quite a few of them down here)

 

[Bob Denman]

Heard it: Yes! :thumbup:
I just hadn't actively looked for an online source for it.
The monkey would definitely need goggles!! :roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[cuznjohn]

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied in a sultry tone, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married'.
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own BLANKING blanket!'

After a moment of silence, he farted.
The End.

 

[PrairieSpyder]

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied in a sultry tone, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married'.
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own BLANKING blanket!'

After a moment of silence, he farted.
The End.

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

:agree: :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: :clap: :2thumbs:

 

[SpyderConvert]

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is??"