Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Mr. Pickels]

Now that was a good one !!!!

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY


After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.

‘The Kentuckian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ''Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

"1"
"2"
"3"
“4"
"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia,
and All of Washington DC

Cheers mate!:thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

SMART ANSWER 6

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

"What are my choices?" the man asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ANSWER 5

A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, "Do these chickens get any bigger?"

The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

SMART ANSWER 4

The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said.

The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ANSWER 3

A truckie was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realized it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it .. .

Cars were backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car arrived.The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

SMART ANSWER 2

A teacher at West Australian University reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-mouthed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class was reduced to laughter.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."

SMART ANSWER OF THE YEAR

Telephone rings, woman answers. Pervert, breathing heavily, says, "I bet you have a tight a** with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes, I have.. He's watching the rugby .... Who shall I say is calling?"

:yes:

Jerry Baumchen

 

[cuznjohn]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[cuznjohn]

a real hog

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap: I think that I'd like to see some more pictures of his bike... :firstplace:

 

[ARtraveler]

Now that is a real HOG. :bowdown:

 

[Bob Denman]

I wonder if this is the model that they used for the bodywork?

 

[mowin]

Or this one...

 

[Bob Denman]

Rob,
All that I can say about THAT one, is:

 

[Bfromla]

For some reason i keep thinking of the joke with the monkey trying to put the cork back in! ... Lol


(If you dont know it look it up)

 

[vided]

 

[vided]

For some reason i keep thinking of the joke with the monkey trying to put the cork back in! ... Lol


(If you dont know it look it up)

 

[Bob Denman]

For some reason i keep thinking of the joke with the monkey trying to put the cork back in! ... Lol
(If you dont know it look it up)

You just KNEW that I would; didn't you?

There were these three farmers that wanted to win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They decide that they should stick a cork in the pigs ass and feed him for a month before the fair. The only problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to stick the cork in. So they bought a monkey and trained him to stick corks in bottles. After a week or two of this, they stick the monkey in the pen with the pig and a cork, and after a minute, the monkey did what he was supposed to do. The farmers fed the pig for a month and sure enough, they won first prize. Once they got home, they realized they still had to take the cork out. So they trained this same monkey to take corks out of bottles. They stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig, and the farmers woke up three days later in the hospital with a reporter sitting next to them. The reporter asked the first farmer, "What is the last thing you remember?" "**** flying everywhere," the farmer replied. The reporter asked the second farmer the same question and got the same response. When she got to the third farmer and asked him what he could remember, he started crying. The reporter asked, "What's the matter?" The farmer replied, "The last thing I remember is the look on the poor monkey's face as he tried to stick the cork back in."

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[cuznjohn]

hey bob

do you know how you tell the difference between a oral and a recital thermometer





BY THE TASTE

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: I thought that they ALL tasted like crap! :dontknow:

 

[Bfromla]

You just KNEW that I would; didn't you?

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

Have you seriously not heard that 1?

Well now you know it you can enjoy all the random events you will encounter where a "monkey & cork" phrase fits perfectly. (Quite a few of them down here)

 

[Bob Denman]

Heard it: Yes! :thumbup:
I just hadn't actively looked for an online source for it.
The monkey would definitely need goggles!! :roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]