Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

Kilroy was here!

After seeing this post by Denman I can't resist going back to an incident several years ago. http://www.spyderlovers.com/forums/...e-best-deals&p=1065146&viewfull=1#post1065146

Remember the "esteemed(?)" Senator Larry Craig from Idaho getting caught up in the airport restroom sex scandal? After that incident the two following bits of art work were making the rounds.

From World War II time

Kilroy was here! :thumbup:

A few years ago

Craig was here! :roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[cuznjohn]

 

[cptjam]

Joke

....One day, a Isis commander is looking across the desert with binoculars. He spots an American soldier across the valley! He zooms in, and discovers it is a Green Beret! He thinks he should capture him, and sends a squad of men after him. Down the valley they go, guns blazing. After just a few minutes, all is silent! As the smoke clears, he spots the American, who sees him, and flips him off! Furious, he sends an entire company to get him. Machine gun fire, grenades, smoke and fire! The battle rages for several minutes. Cries of pain, anguish, pleading can be heard. Then silence! As the smoke clears, he takes a look. Yikes! The same American smiles at him, and flips him off! Now he is so mad, he calls his subordinate commanders to a meeting to draw up plans for a massive attack to kill this infidel, once and for all! As they finalize the plans, a lone terrorist crawls up; his body riddled in bullets, one ear gone, most of his teeth broken out, a real mess. He pulls himself up, grasping the shirt of his commander, struggling to speak. He finally gets the ear of the commander close, and whispers: "please, don't send anymore men! It's a trap, death and destruction await anyone foolish enough to try to attack! I beg of you!" The commander is hearing his mans last breaths and the gravely wounded terrorist speaks his last words: "There are two of them"!

 

[spacetiger]

Blathering Snowstorms in Dublin

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplough can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplough can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplough can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to redheads exhibit, the husband replied........

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"





Do you see this coming??

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just
what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

 

[PrairieSpyder]

What kind of car did the three wisemen drive?

Honda! They were in one Accord!

 

[Bob Denman]

Too much milk, and a bumpy ride??? :dontknow:

This guys neighbors must just LOVE this time of year! :yikes:

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response.

They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My Bike."

:yikes:

Jerry Baumchen

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Iamjoey]

​.I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night.' We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'

 

[Bob Denman]

:roflblack: That's pretty funny! :thumbup:
Until it happens to YOU!! :shocked:

 

[ameobe]

Golfing

[FONT=&quot]A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"No, I wouldn't," he said.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She said, "I sell tampons."[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]

[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"[/FONT]

 

[Bob Denman]

Hey! That WAS pretty cute!! :clap::2thumbs: :roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

He's smarter than he looks...

After all: you just KNOW what he's thinking!!

 

[Iamjoey]

" Lunch " :roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

:agree: :2thumbs:

 

[mowin]

The other one is dessert.

 

[Bob Denman]

You just said a mouthful! :roflblack: