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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
IdahoMtnSpyder
Well-known member
The frozen carburetor
Something to remember with winter coming on...
People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the
positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a
frozen carburetor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper
on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The
biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full- face
helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
What's the matter? Asked the Trooper
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker.
"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The Trooper unzipped and promptly
warmed the carburetor as promised.
Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local State Troopers office received a note of thanks
from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill..."
Something to remember with winter coming on...
People often complain about the police, but you rarely hear about the
positive things they do, such as this incident involving a biker and a
frozen carburetor.
Last January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North Dakota State Trooper
on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who was stalled by the roadside. The
biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full- face
helmet to protect the face from the cold weather.
What's the matter? Asked the Trooper
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"I can't," said the biker.
"OK, watch me closely and I'll show you." The Trooper unzipped and promptly
warmed the carburetor as promised.
Moments later the bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the local State Troopers office received a note of thanks
from the father of the motorcyclist.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter Jill..."
PrairieSpyder
New member
Iamjoey
New member
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
Joe T.
Member
Donald trump and the Queen
I stole this from another motorcycle site:
A private Lear jet arrives at Heathrow international airport and Donald Trump strides to a waiting limousine which drives him to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
From there, they are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.
They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly, the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire.
The fart shakes the coach. The smell is atrocious! Both passengers in the carriage must use perfume-dipped handkerchiefs over their nose, but the two do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen turns to Trump saying, "Mr. Trump, please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Trump, with his usual diplomatic aplomb, replied, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought. Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.
roflmao
Joe T.
I stole this from another motorcycle site:
A private Lear jet arrives at Heathrow international airport and Donald Trump strides to a waiting limousine which drives him to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
From there, they are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.
They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly, the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire.
The fart shakes the coach. The smell is atrocious! Both passengers in the carriage must use perfume-dipped handkerchiefs over their nose, but the two do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen turns to Trump saying, "Mr. Trump, please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Trump, with his usual diplomatic aplomb, replied, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought. Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.
roflmao
Joe T.
PrairieSpyder
New member
:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:
Bob Denman
New member
cuznjohn
New member
a lil off color
A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.
'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'
Bob Denman
New member
Princeau99
New member
This will tickle your fancy!
And you didn't even know it needed tickling!
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f80_1447693224
And you didn't even know it needed tickling!
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f80_1447693224
thefishknot3
New member
If white birds have white babies, and black birds have black babies. What kind of bird has no babies?
Swallows.
[emoji12][emoji12][emoji12][emoji12][emoji12][emoji12]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Swallows.
[emoji12][emoji12][emoji12][emoji12][emoji12][emoji12]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
-John Glenn
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
- David Letterman
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
- Howard Hughes
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
- Betsy Salkind
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
- Jean Kerr
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
- ZsaZsaGabor
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
- Prince Philip
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Emo Philips.
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
- Harrison Ford
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
- Spike Milligan
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
- Robin Hall
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
- Jean Rostand.
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger.
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
- W. H. Auden
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johnny Carson
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
- Arthur C Clarke
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
- Steve Martin
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
- Jimmy Durante
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
- Doug Hamwell
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
- George Roberts
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
- Jonathan Winters
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- Robert Benchley
The weather person is the only person that I know, that can be wrong
99.9 % of the time and still have a job the next day
-Johnny Carson
-John Glenn
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
- David Letterman
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
- Howard Hughes
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
- Betsy Salkind
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
- Jean Kerr
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
- ZsaZsaGabor
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
- Prince Philip
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Emo Philips.
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
- Harrison Ford
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
- Spike Milligan
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
- Robin Hall
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
- Jean Rostand.
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger.
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
- W. H. Auden
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johnny Carson
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
- Arthur C Clarke
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
- Steve Martin
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
- Jimmy Durante
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
- Doug Hamwell
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
- George Roberts
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
- Jonathan Winters
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- Robert Benchley
The weather person is the only person that I know, that can be wrong
99.9 % of the time and still have a job the next day
-Johnny Carson
Bob Denman
New member
The Blonde Man has arrived!!!!!!!!!!!
A blonde man is in the
bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?" He answers,
"Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's
for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blonde man goes to the vet
with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to
me." The blonde man
says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He
spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blonde man shouts
frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her Contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man was
driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to
swerve To avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells
the cop about all the trees in the
Road. The cop says, "That's your
air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His
wife says "Why don't
You put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the
dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife
asks. "Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blonde man is in jail.
The guard looks in his cell and sees him
Hanging by his feet. "Just
WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the
guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I
couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
(This one actually
makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba
divers always fall
Backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man
replies: "If they fell Forward, they'd still be in the boat."
--------------------------------------
A friend told the blonde
man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde man then said,
"Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
Two blonde men find three
grenades, and they decide to take them to a police
Station.
One asked:
"What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie
and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said:
"Close your curtains the Next time you & your wife are
having sex. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied:
"Well the joke's on all of you because I
wasn't even at home
yesterday."
A blonde man is in the
bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the
shampoo?" He answers,
"Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's
for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blonde man goes to the vet
with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to
me." The blonde man
says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He
spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blonde man shouts
frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her Contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man was
driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to
swerve To avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells
the cop about all the trees in the
Road. The cop says, "That's your
air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His
wife says "Why don't
You put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the
dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife
asks. "Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blonde man is in jail.
The guard looks in his cell and sees him
Hanging by his feet. "Just
WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the
guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I
couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
(This one actually
makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba
divers always fall
Backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man
replies: "If they fell Forward, they'd still be in the boat."
--------------------------------------
A friend told the blonde
man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde man then said,
"Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
Two blonde men find three
grenades, and they decide to take them to a police
Station.
One asked:
"What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie
and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said:
"Close your curtains the Next time you & your wife are
having sex. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied:
"Well the joke's on all of you because I
wasn't even at home
yesterday."
mowin
New member
Bob Denman
New member
No dog in this fight; I'm bald on top! :roflblack:PrairieSpyder
New member
You know, any blond joke could be about a blond man. Why do people always assume the dumb blond is a gal? :dontknow:
How about the blond guy who sat and stared at the orange juice carton because it said "concentrate"!!
How about the blond guy who sat and stared at the orange juice carton because it said "concentrate"!!
Bob Denman
New member
Cruzr Joe
New member
:shocked: Okay; I'm not posting this for the Political :cus:-storm that it could create...
I'm posting it only to show one person's feelings were SOOOO strong about a candidate...
If you take it in that light; it IS funny!
The Folks in Arkansas know her well.
Cruzr Joe
Bob Denman
New member
I actually heard another one about her...
That if she doesn't get elected to the Presidency; she's going to come back to New York, and run for Governor's Office! :yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes:
How do I figure out what to do about it? :shocked:
(Besides move? :roflblack
That if she doesn't get elected to the Presidency; she's going to come back to New York, and run for Governor's Office! :yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes::yikes:
How do I figure out what to do about it? :shocked:
(Besides move? :roflblack
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