Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: That is true enough NOT to be funny...

 

[draboo]

Ole is sitting at home when he hears the front doorbell. He answers it and there is a policeman there. The policeman asks if his name is Ole.

"Yeah, dat's me" says Ole.

The policeman says, "I'm sorry to tell you, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck."

Ole says, "Well, yah, but she's a darn good cook and has a great personality."

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: Are we allowed to laugh at this one? :shocked:

 

[coz]

good one draboo

Ole is sitting at home when he hears the front doorbell. He answers it and there is a policeman there. The policeman asks if his name is Ole.

"Yeah, dat's me" says Ole.

The policeman says, "I'm sorry to tell you, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck."

Ole says, "Well, yah, but she's a darn good cook and has a great personality."

who is Brad?:roflblack:

 

[spydaman60]

:shocked: Are we allowed to laugh at this one? :shocked:

if you're not from Minnesota or north Dakota!:roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a buffalo walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the buffalo's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the buffalo. "Your name is written inside the cover."

 

[Bob Denman]

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on
your parade.
So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to
make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded :
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there ? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to
Rome . So, how are you getting there ?"
"We're taking British Airways," was the reply. "We got a great rate !"
"BA ?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight
attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and
exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look
the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes,
but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and
I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the
inest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite
at no extra charge !"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the
shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to
step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand ! I knelt down
and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really ! What'd he say ?"
He said : "Who the HELL did your hair ?"

 

[Cruzr Joe]

Good one :roflblack:

Cruzr joe

 

[draboo]

Cowboy and Indian!

[h=5]Cowboy: "That your dog?" Indian: "Yep."

Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian...)

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: (Look of total disbelief!)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian...)

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."

Indian: (Look of TOTAL amazement!!)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep lie."[/h]

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked:pps::shocked: :2thumbs:

 

[ValCruzSpyder]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep lie."

:yikes::yikes::yikes:
That's just way too funny!!!!

 

[Spyder_Cowgirl]

Sheep

"Cowboy and Indian" reminds me of a poster I saw years ago (on the back of an office door!).

"<Insert US State here>, where men are men and sheep are scared."

I've removed the actual state so as not to offend it's residents, plus I'm not positive of which state was actually on the poster.

Best Regards ..... Ann

 

[Trickie Dick]

"Cowboy and Indian" reminds me of a poster I saw years ago (on the back of an office door!).

"<Insert US State here>, where men are men and sheep are scared."

I've removed the actual state so as not to offend it's residents, plus I'm not positive of which state was actually on the poster.

Best Regards ..... Ann

I think it was Texas:yikes: :roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

Texas is much more than a State; it's a state of mind! :2thumbs:

 

[Bob Denman]

APHORISM: A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES
A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH

1. The nicest thing about the future is . . .
that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog .. . .
but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor . . .
you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining . . .
as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . .
when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark . .
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important . . .
because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions . . .
you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a cat (or dog) . . ..
and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl) . . ..
who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins . . ..
the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. . ..
like, it could be the right number.

13. No one ever says "It's only a game" . . .
when their team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where . . .
'happy hour' is a nap.

15. Be careful about reading the fine print . . .
there's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that . . .
not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . .
we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness .. . .
but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.

19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . .
you're probably dead.

20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . ..
and the ones that mind don't matter.

21. Life isn't tied with a bow .. . .
but it's still a gift.

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Cruzr Joe]

View attachment 77931

That is cool. :thumbup:

Cruzr Joe

 

[Bob Denman]

Try it... See if they ever call you back! :shocked: :roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]