Bob Denman
New member
:banghead: :roflblack:
-
There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
draboo
New member
Business is GOOD!
Two young men just finished setting up their shop in a busy mall in Miami and were standing outside admiring their work. The shelves were empty and ready for inventory.
One young fella says to his partner,"Let's just stand out here for a bit and wait for some senior citizen to come by and ask what we are selling"
Sure enough, an old gentleman stops and asks,"What are you two young fellers selling here?"
"We are selling a$$holes" said one of them sarcastically.
"Business must be good" replied the ol' fart,"You only have two left!"
Two young men just finished setting up their shop in a busy mall in Miami and were standing outside admiring their work. The shelves were empty and ready for inventory.
One young fella says to his partner,"Let's just stand out here for a bit and wait for some senior citizen to come by and ask what we are selling"
Sure enough, an old gentleman stops and asks,"What are you two young fellers selling here?"
"We are selling a$$holes" said one of them sarcastically.
"Business must be good" replied the ol' fart,"You only have two left!"
"I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist late in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.
The trip to his office took about thirty-five minutes, so I didn’t have an time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.
I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, grabbed some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” I didn’t respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day was normal: some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?” I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”
Never going back there.. ever."
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.
The trip to his office took about thirty-five minutes, so I didn’t have an time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable.
I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, grabbed some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” I didn’t respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest of the day was normal: some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?” I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”
Never going back there.. ever."
Bob Denman
New member
My wife being the romantic sort, sent me a text:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying,
send me your tears.
I love you .”
I replied, "I am on the commode. Please advise."
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying,
send me your tears.
I love you .”
I replied, "I am on the commode. Please advise."
Bob Denman
New member
That's proof that there is such a thing as an "Incurable Romantic"... they should also be allowed to die in peace! :shocked:
Littlebadwolf
New member
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!See More
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!See More
Bob Ledford
New member
Add-on
You forget the 32 that will chime in with "the way we did it in NY, Nj, or when I was growing up."
You forget the 32 that will chime in with "the way we did it in NY, Nj, or when I was growing up."
Trickie Dick
New member
Don't mess with old people
SMART ASSHad to pass this one on...I love being older!!
*
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall.
As yet,the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by,
put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window,
looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked,
"What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."
Seniors -- don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid!
SMART ASSHad to pass this one on...I love being older!!
*
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall.
As yet,the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by,
put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window,
looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked,
"What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left."
Seniors -- don't mess with them. They didn't get old by being stupid!
SpyderMarkus
New member
Cop Humor
Three cops were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first cop had married a woman from California and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second cop had married a woman from Illinois. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day, he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third cop had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
:roflblack:
Three cops were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first cop had married a woman from California and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second cop had married a woman from Illinois. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day, he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third cop had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
:roflblack:
ThreeWheels
Active member
10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
Today we have No Jobs, No Hope and No Cash.
God, please watch over Kevin Bacon.
Today we have No Jobs, No Hope and No Cash.
God, please watch over Kevin Bacon.
Daisyjoe
New member
A prospective Georgia state trooper was completing all the paperwork before his initial hire date. One of the forms listed several scenarios he might encounter on the job. One of the questions read--
What would you do if you stopped your mother for speeding and actually had to arrest her. He promptly wrote in the blank space-CALL FOR BACKUP QUICKLY.
What would you do if you stopped your mother for speeding and actually had to arrest her. He promptly wrote in the blank space-CALL FOR BACKUP QUICKLY.
Bob Denman
New member
This doesn't look as if it's going to be a good day... :shocked:
spydaman60
New member
did anyone check snopes to see if this really happened?:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:
Bob Denman
New member
I can tell you one thing; it sure looks PAINFUL! :shocked:
teadave
New member
[h=5]On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?(Yep. You betcha. There is a moral!)
'When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks![/h]
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?(Yep. You betcha. There is a moral!)
'When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks![/h]
Bob Denman
New member
I thought that you might have changed this one a bit; let the chicken go get the Farmer's Spyder to pull the horse out! :thumbup: :roflblack:
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