Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[exwinger]

Tough Marine

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[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Dear Ma and Pa:[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Your loving daughter,
Alic[/FONT]e

 

[NautiBrit]

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat,​

Watching the front door of the brothel over the road.​

The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.​

"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.​

"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"​

​

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,​

Knocks, and goes inside.​

"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"​

They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi​

When they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.​

"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman.​

"One of the girls must have died.”​

 

[bruiser]

Aye, tis a fine thing the Father does to comfort the ladies.

 

[Bob Denman]

I'm still waiting to see a picture of Alice... :roflblack:

 

[Tiny1]

I'm still waiting to see a picture of Alice... :roflblack:

Here ya go Bob

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: Well Im just smitten by her...

 

[bruiser]

Bob!!! Get your eyes checked. That's one ugly broad. Reminds me of some of them female(?) body builders. :yikes:

 

[exwinger]

You gotta be

Not even dead stoned drunk !!!! That is coyote ugly !!

 

[ThreeWheels]

I'm single and I used to sail...................

There is an old saying.
ANY port in a storm................................

 

[Bob Denman]

:agree: But in polluted waters???? :yikes:

 

[Tiny1]

Just to be clear

Them there are some real stormy, polluted waters. Not even on a bet! :lecturef_smilie:

 

[Bob Denman]

Not even dead stoned drunk !!!! That is coyote ugly !!

:lecturef_smilie: You're giving coyotes a bad name... :roflblack:

 

[coz]

Dude Looks Like a Lady

:yikes:

 

[dannymax]

And the scariest part is

.....he, she, it might be pushing a baby carriage!! :shocked:

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: Now I've got to go poke my mind's eye out... AGAIN! :shocked:

 

[Blue Star]

Newspaper

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.


“This is the 21st century”, she said. “I don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.”



I can tell you this, that damn :ani29: never knew what hit him.

 

[Bob Denman]

Since we have no cell service or that Wi-Fi stuff here... :thumbup: :roflblack:

 

[dannymax]

Us neither. :hun:

 

[juliantrost]

Here is another one...

A pirate walks into the doctor’s office. He has a wooden leg, a hook for a right arm and a patch over his eye.
The doc looks at him and says “Wholly crap, what the hell happened to you?”
The pirate says “well, where do I start? I was swimming the ocean one day and a shark beat my leg off. The blacksmith on the ship made me this wooden one. Hurts to walk, but gets me around!”.
The doc, says “What the hell happened to your arm”.
Pirate replies “well, this is a funny story. I was washing my sock in a swamp when an alligator swam by and beat my arm off. That same blacksmith made me this hook”.
The doc, says “What about your eye?”
So the pirate goes “Well this one is really funny. I am standing on the deck of my ship, beautiful day and I look up in the sky. There was a seagull flying over me and it crapped in my eye”.
The doc says “bull sh*t, there is no way you can lose an eye from bird’s poop”.

Pirate looks at him and says “Sure you can, if it is your first day with a hook!”

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: