Bob Denman
New member
:clap::roflblack:
-
There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
:clap::roflblack:
retread
New member
This one is true, it happened to me one morning after a 16 hour shift at the plant.
As I was driving the 20 odd miles to my house, about 15 miles onto it, a car pulled in front of me, no sweat, I'm too tired to worry about it. The car was driven slowly, and turned on every road that I took home. Finally, we turned onto the dead end street where my house was, the car pulled into the first driveway, and a very scared paper delivery woman got out and yelled "if you don't stop following me, I'm going to go into my house and call the police!"
I rolled my window down and told her, "Okay, move your car so I can get into my driveway, and I'll let you use my phone."
As I was driving the 20 odd miles to my house, about 15 miles onto it, a car pulled in front of me, no sweat, I'm too tired to worry about it. The car was driven slowly, and turned on every road that I took home. Finally, we turned onto the dead end street where my house was, the car pulled into the first driveway, and a very scared paper delivery woman got out and yelled "if you don't stop following me, I'm going to go into my house and call the police!"
I rolled my window down and told her, "Okay, move your car so I can get into my driveway, and I'll let you use my phone."
Why does it take so long ladies???
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck,
(Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck,
that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's
still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward
against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat
because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if
she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of
diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of
the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with
such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too .At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the
spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk
past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from
your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ............
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what
really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can
hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck,
(Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck,
that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's
still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward
against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat
because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if
she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of
diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of
the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with
such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too .At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the
spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk
past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from
your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ............
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what
really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can
hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!
tconaagt
New member
Adult Truths:
I especially love the last one !
Adult Truths:
1. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when
I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my
neighborhood.
8. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't
going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my
collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my
ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with
Miller Lite than Kay..
17. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger..
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear
or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the
front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their
car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find
and push the snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is
also important.
I especially love the last one !
Adult Truths:
1. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when
I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my
neighborhood.
8. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work when you know that you just aren't
going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I
don't want to have to restart my
collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if I want to save any changes to my
ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with
Miller Lite than Kay..
17. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
the person died.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger..
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and smile because you still didn't hear
or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team
up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the
front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their
car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find
and push the snooze button from 3 feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is
also important.
Speaking of true events
Many years ago (I won't say how many) right after I turned 21, a group of friends (17 to 21) and I (the oldest) were at Disneyland. We took the tram ride to the hotel, and was standing in front of the hotel bar. I, trying to be the big shot since I just turned 21, said lets go inside. The girls at first were saying no, but I pushed the point. One of the girls (17) asked "I wonder if they serve virgins?" At this point without giving it a thought said "well if you don't tell them they won't know". Well after I took my foot out of my mouth, we decided to not go inside.
Many years ago (I won't say how many) right after I turned 21, a group of friends (17 to 21) and I (the oldest) were at Disneyland. We took the tram ride to the hotel, and was standing in front of the hotel bar. I, trying to be the big shot since I just turned 21, said lets go inside. The girls at first were saying no, but I pushed the point. One of the girls (17) asked "I wonder if they serve virgins?" At this point without giving it a thought said "well if you don't tell them they won't know". Well after I took my foot out of my mouth, we decided to not go inside.
Bob Denman
New member
Since a lot of us here are already at this stage of our lives...
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answers: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: Nuts!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as
they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answer: The never ending Tea Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite
to tell the whole truth.
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answers: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: Nuts!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as
they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answer: The never ending Tea Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite
to tell the whole truth.
BitSlayer
New member
Great thread!!! :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:
Here is my contribution...
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she ouches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches it makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No, I'm really a blond."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
Here is my contribution...
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she ouches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches it makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No, I'm really a blond."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
BitSlayer
New member
OK, gotta post another one...
Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new
Mercedes into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets hem in the typical Irish manner, unaware of who the
golf pro is... "Top O' the monrin' to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.
"So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquires he Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replied Tiger.
"Hoots mon, would you ken it?" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those
fellas at Mercedes think of everything."
Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new
Mercedes into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets hem in the typical Irish manner, unaware of who the
golf pro is... "Top O' the monrin' to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.
"So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replied Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquires he Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replied Tiger.
"Hoots mon, would you ken it?" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those
fellas at Mercedes think of everything."
BentGamer
New member
Got This in The Email Today
>This was written by a guy... it's pretty darn good.
>Girls -- Have a sense of humor!
>
>I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
>
>FOR EXAMPLE:
>
>One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
>
>"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
>
>
>
>The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
>
>
>We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
>
>I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
>
>
>Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....
>This was written by a guy... it's pretty darn good.
>Girls -- Have a sense of humor!
>
>I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
>
>FOR EXAMPLE:
>
>One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
>
>"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
>
>
>
>The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
>
>
>We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
>
>I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
>
>
>Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....
Bob Denman
New member
What is it that they say about Payback? :shocked: :roflblack: :2thumbs: :clap:
SpyderRyder2B
New member
:clap::roflblack: Good one!
SpyderRyder2B
New member
Computer problems:
Subject:* Computer Problems
*As Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our
computers.*
*I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door,
whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. *
*Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? *
*He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, *
*'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied. *
*'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:*
*ID10T** **
I used to like Eric, the little bastard . . .*
Subject:* Computer Problems
*As Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our
computers.*
*I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door,
whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. *
*Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? *
*He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, *
*'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied. *
*'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:*
*ID10T** **
I used to like Eric, the little bastard . . .*
retread
New member
Middle age text abbreviations
ATD- At the doctor
BFF-Best friend fell
BTW-Bring the wheelchair
BYOT-Bring your own teeth
FWIW-Forgot where I was
GHA-Got heartburn again
IMHAO-Is my hearing aid on?
LMDO-Laughing my dentures out
OMMR-On my massage recliner
ROFLACGU-Rolling on floor laughing and can't get up
TTYL-Talk to you louder
ATD- At the doctor
BFF-Best friend fell
BTW-Bring the wheelchair
BYOT-Bring your own teeth
FWIW-Forgot where I was
GHA-Got heartburn again
IMHAO-Is my hearing aid on?
LMDO-Laughing my dentures out
OMMR-On my massage recliner
ROFLACGU-Rolling on floor laughing and can't get up
TTYL-Talk to you louder
bjt
Very Helpful Member
bjt
Very Helpful Member
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife
decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,
anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman
and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking , 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'.
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book,' she replies.
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife
decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,
anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman
and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking , 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'.
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book,' she replies.
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
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