Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[SpyderConvert]

Seven Kinds of Sex

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Okay, Okay, it's an oldie...... Kinds Of Sex....​ ​ The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex.This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you areblue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called ..Kitchen Sex.This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will havesex anywhere, even in the kitchen.The 3rd kind of sex is called .. Bedroom Sex.This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.The 4th kind of sex is called ...Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for toolong. When you pass each other in the hallway youboth say ..... '**** You.' The 5th kind of sex is called .. Religious Sex.Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular) The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex.This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/hetakes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. And Last but not least .. The 7th kind of sex is called ... Social Security Sex.You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

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[Bob Denman]

A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READ:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
Blind man driving.

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take
appropriate action.

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push! Push! Push!

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However,
if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak

And the best one for last
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"​

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: :barf:

 

[kep-up]

View attachment 159845

Nicely displayed. Remember, presentation is everything! :barf:

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: When I was growing up: I think that my Dad had the "Magnum" model! :yikes:

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

Sign on a condom store: No Shoes - No Shirt - You got here just in time!

Jerry Baumchen

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap: :2thumbs:

 

[ofdave]

Have y'all heard about the man that went to his neighbors house? He rang the bell. The husband was busy. His wife was just getting out of the shower. The husband asked his wife to answer the door.

Reluctantly. She wrapped a towel around her and went to the door.
The man at the door was surprised. But asked, is your husband home?
She said he is busy. Can I help you? He looked at her and said. I will give you $500.00 to lower that towel to your waist. She thought about it. No one was around. She said OK. So she did. He gave her $500.
He then said if you let it hit the floor, I will give you another $500. So she did. He gave her $500. Again.
Then he left.
She wrapped up in the towel again and went inside.
Her husband asked. Who was at the door?
She said the neighbor. He was looking for you. I told him you were busy.
Then her husband asked her. Did he mention anything about the $1000.00 that he owes me???​

 

[vided]

Hilarious but exactly what would happen!!!
LUNCH WITH THE POPE
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht.
The Pope accepted and during lunch a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."
Then Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC reported:
TRUMP CAN'T SWIM"

 

[Bob Denman]

An inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died
and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since
you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the
world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in
Heaven."

Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang
out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a
road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me,
but aren't you the inventor of the woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, " Professional to professional, you have some
major design flaws in your invention too:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft, and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"


"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God,
"Hold on."

God went to His Celestial super-computer, typed in some key words and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and
God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God
said to Arthur, " But according to these statistics, more men are
riding my invention than yours."​

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[BigGuy66]

And other Septic Tank Truck had this on it's side...

... "We are No. 1 in the No. 2 business"

 

[vided]

 

[Peter Aawen]

^^ That's gotta make ya wonder, doesn't it!?! :shocked: :banghead:

Was it just a pretty good idea to add some humour into their labelling..... or has someone really tried & then complained &/or sued when it didn't work the way those brooms do in the movies & on those 'Bewitched' TV shows & similar??! :dontknow:

I can just image the phone-call complaint.... "I just bought one of your brooms as a present and it's faulty, my old Aunt Esmerelda just broke both her legs when she tried to take off & fly outta the upstairs window!!".......long silent but incredulous pause before company rep replies........ "She WHAT?!" :yikes:

 

[JerryB]

Hi Peter,

Re: That's gotta make ya wonder

Not really. As Alexis de Tocqueville wrote ( 1835 & 1840 ) in his book Democracy in America, ultimately everything in America will be decided in court.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexis_de_Tocqueville

:banghead:

Jerry Baumchen

 

[Saluda]

Maybe because H.C. tried to use one once and it didn't work and she got mad.

 

[Cavman]