ThreeWheels
Active member
OMG, You can see the Patty Duke Line !!
-
There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
OMG, You can see the Patty Duke Line !!
ottawa-rider
Member
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, has long legs,
and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says,
"Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, has long legs,
and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says,
"Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
A farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then pee.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pi$$ing and moaning.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Jerry Baumchen
A farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then pee.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pi$$ing and moaning.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
:yikes:
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
An undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.”
The man thought about it for a while and then told him, “I see. Well, you’d better ship her home then.”
The undertaker asked, “Why? Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and only spend $150?”
The man said, “A man died 2,000 years ago. He was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!”
:yikes:
Jerry Baumchen
A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
An undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.”
The man thought about it for a while and then told him, “I see. Well, you’d better ship her home then.”
The undertaker asked, “Why? Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and only spend $150?”
The man said, “A man died 2,000 years ago. He was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!”
:yikes:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
:clap: I'm sending this one to all of my friends... PRICELESS! :2thumbs:
Last edited:
Bob Denman
New member
One night at Cheers, a TV Sitcom,Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this ... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But, naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers".
:cheers:
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this ... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But, naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers".
:cheers:
Bob Denman
New member
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE amazing fact is, the higher you go in the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles :dontknow:
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE amazing fact is, the higher you go in the corporate structure,
the smaller your balls become.
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles :dontknow:
mowin
New member
Most of em don't have any ba.... Um, marbles... But there's definitely a lot more hope now...
Last edited:
Bob Denman
New member
Is he running a "Puplishing" Company? :roflblack:
Bob Denman
New member
I guess that if you're choosing a side: this should be carefully considered!
Bob Denman
New member
It might be... :thumbup:
But you'd still be like the fellow that brings a sharp knife: to a gunfight! :shocked:
But you'd still be like the fellow that brings a sharp knife: to a gunfight! :shocked:
vided
New member
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come
over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure
out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the
box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure
out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the
box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Bob Denman
New member
Sounds like something my 80 year-old Mother-in-Law would do.
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Old Lady: I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Old Lady: He began to rub all over my body.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy' that I just laid down and told him, 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bugger.'
:banghead:
Jerry Baumchen
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Old Lady: I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Old Lady: He began to rub all over my body.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy' that I just laid down and told him, 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bugger.'
:banghead:
Jerry Baumchen
Similar threads
