Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[vided]

It's better to have loved and lost




MUCH BETTER :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife (we won't mention who, OK) came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in
the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after
asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a
raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Fridays, ................But I go ATV riding on Wednesday.

 

[PrairieSpyder]

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife (we won't mention who, OK) came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in
the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after
asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a
raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Fridays, ................But I go ATV riding on Wednesday.

I'll bet the wife offered to drive there herself! :clap::clap::clap:

 

[pegasus1300]

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS MAKING MONEY FOR THE CHURCH.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter
the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm
for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . .
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery ...even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life!
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own!!!

 

[vided]

THOUGHTFUL FACTS

1. I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.

2. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.

3. Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.

5. I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure wish you could have seen it.

6. This isn't clutter; these are my antiques!

7. Discover wildlife! Have kids!

8. Our policy is to always blame the computer.

9. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

10. Take my advice. I'm not using it!

11. Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.

12. I love to give homemade gifts... umm, which one of the kids would you like?

13. By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!

14. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.

15. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.


​

 

[Bob Denman]

NOTE: This is NOT meant to be an insult to the people of Mexico. It's more of a "sports joke, than anything else.

 

[Bob Denman]

For the record: Cuzn sent me this one! :clap:
(Just givin' credit where it's due...)

 

[mowin]

Sent it to me also.. I was debating whether or not to post it.

You beat me to it. :thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

We have to co-ordinate our efforts... :thumbup:

Did he also send you the "Bill & Hillary" video that definitely can't be posted?

 

[vided]

We have to co-ordinate our efforts... :thumbup:

Did he also send you the "Bill & Hillary" video that definitely can't be posted?

It can't be posted due to the fact it would burn eyes and cause uncontrollable barfing

 

[Bob Denman]

It did the same thing to me... :shocked:




I had to watch the Hardee's "Bacon 3-way" advertisement about six times, before my vision cleared up! :clap:

 

[vided]

 

[cuznjohn]

View attachment 135849

do you also want to be on my, I CAN'T POST THIS ON HERE things i send

 

[mowin]

We have to co-ordinate our efforts... :thumbup:

Did he also send you the "Bill & Hillary" video that definitely can't be posted?

Yes he did. It's funny, yet nauseating. :yikes:

 

[vided]

do you also want to be on my, I CAN'T POST THIS ON HERE things i send

by all means :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

 

[cuznjohn]

by all means :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

i will add you

 

[Bob Denman]

do you also want to be on my, I CAN'T POST THIS ON HERE things i send

So THAT's what you call all of the good stuff that you find... :clap: :roflblack:

Barry,
Welcome to "The Club"... :thumbup:
We'll bring the Goat by your place tomorrow, for the initiation rites! :yikes:

 

[vided]

Ya, a good goat will do that.

 

[Bfromla]

So THAT's what you call all of the good stuff that you find... :clap: :roflblack:

Barry,
Welcome to "The Club"... :thumbup:
We'll bring the Goat by your place tomorrow, for the initiation rites! :yikes:

What "initiation"¿

I wasn't there but I still care! POW /MIA VETS

 

[Bob Denman]