Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

For us senior types

A Group of chaps all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for
lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.

 

[Cruzr Joe]

My wife was upset with me because she thought that i was obsessed with "The Monkee's", i thought she was kidding.

Then i saw her face, now i am a believer.


Cruzr Joe

 

[vided]

My wife was upset with me because she thought that i was obsessed with "The Monkee's", i thought she was kidding.

Then i saw her face, now i am a believer.


Cruzr Joe

Did you forget a link? Or am I missing the forest

 

[Cruzr Joe]

Did you forget a link? Or am I missing the forest

You can't see the trees for the forest.:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: The most famous song of the Monkee's is "I'm a Believer" and part of the song is "and then i saw her face, now i'm a believer"

Cruzr Joe

 

[vided]

You can't see the trees for the forest.:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: The most famous song of the Monkee's is "I'm a Believer" and part of the song is "and then i saw her face, now i'm a believer"

Cruzr Joe

Lol, my face is burning!!!!!!
i knew the lyric, but no idea it was da monkee's.
:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

[Cruzr Joe]

Lol, my face is burning!!!!!!
i knew the lyric, but no idea it was da monkee's.
:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

LOL :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[cuznjohn]

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are
gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short
skirt and legs that won’t quit came to his table and asked if he
was ready to order,
“What would you like, sir?”
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to
bottom, then answers, “A quickie.”
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again,
“What would you like, sir?”
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers,
“A quickie, please.”
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him
across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,
“Um, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE.'

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: So THAT's why it keeps happening to me! :banghead:
"Keesh"... I'll have to remember that! :thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"

:shocked:

 

[Bob Denman]

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
"Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm???"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

The Professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

 

[Bob Denman]

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load my pheasant hunting gear into the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out pheasant hunting in that crap?'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped hunting.

 

[vided]

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
"Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm???"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

The Professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ976Eb31qw

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: That even hurt me! :shocked:

 

[vided]

WORLDS WORST GOLF FOURSOME:


1. MONICA LEWINSKI
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON

WHY, YOU ASK?


1. MONICA IS A HOOKER
2. O. J. IS A SLICER
3. TED CAN'T DRIVE OVER WATER, AND
4. BILL CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST













​

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[Bob Denman]

A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up acouple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told himshe was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, "Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."

 

[vided]

 

[vided]

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John’s wife died suddenly.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss, You must feel terrible”.
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said:
“Hell no! Fact is I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled horrible. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off waswhen I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time.
I warned them that she wasn’t very good and smelled . But they wanted her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle.”
The old woman fainted.

 

[Cavman]

VooDoo Mama

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Yn0ey0vePwI

 

[vided]