Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

[TABLE="width: 100%"] [TR] [TD="width: 100%"] [TABLE="width: 366, align: left"] [TR] [TD="width: 763"] In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.​ (Like THAT makes sense.)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.​ (Do they look different reversed?)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.​ (A brick?)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Glad I don't live in Indonesia!)​ (Much worse than 'going blind!')​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside anddeflower young virgins, who pay themfor the privilege of having sex for the first time.​ Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.​ (Let's just think for a minute: Is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.​ The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.​ (Ah! Justice!)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.​ (But of course!)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.​ (Makes one shudder at the thought.)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~​ In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.​ (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Condoms may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beveragesare sold for consumption on the premises.'​ (Is this a great country or what?)​ Well,.... not as great as Guam!​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.​ (Who volunteers for these tests?)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ The Ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.​ (From drinking little bottles of ???)​ (Did our Government pay for this research??)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ Butterflies taste with their feet.​ (Ah, geez..)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.​ (I know some people like that.)​ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ Starfish don't have brains.​ (I know some people like that, too.)​ *~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​ And, the best for last?​ Turtles can breathe through their ass.​ (And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)​ Thank you all for reading this.​ If you need to reach me in the future, I will be working my ass off ​ in Guam !!!!!!​

[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
















[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]



​

​

​

​

​

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

So; when are YOU moving to Guam?

 

[mowin]

So; when are YOU moving to Guam?

Just mentioned to my wife that we should move to Guam for a new business opportunity. When I told her what my new job would be, she said we'll be bankrupt in a week. :gaah:

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: Has she always been so "non-supportive", of your business sense? :shocked:

So has mine!

 

[Tanshanomi]

A college student invited her grandmother out to lunch with a group of her classmates. Sitting around the table, the young girls began discussing their preference in undergarments; some of the them expressed a preference for thongs, while others endorsed bikini panties. The old woman was conspicuously silent until her granddaughter turned to her and said, "Grandma, which type of underwear do you wear?"

The grandmother shrugged and said, "Depends..."

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: Awwwww.... :shocked:

:clap: :thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

A Popular place to eat in Louisiana? :dontknow:

 

[Bob Denman]

Look! A new Trailer Park is coming to Town!! :yes::yes::yes:

 

[Bob Denman]

The Zika Virus doesn't scare me a bit... I've seen the "Vampires of the Adirondacks" in action! :yikes:

 

[Sam Mac]

Amusing commute........in the UK.

Amusingcommute........in the UK.
Cars in a queue at traffic lights,lights change, car in front stalls, guy can't get it started, he panics, stillwon't start, everyone behind him goes totally ape****, honking and shouting,light turns red again, no one moved, Irish guy behind him rolls down window andyells, 'Was it a particular feckin SHADE of green you were waiting for?'

 

[Bob Denman]

Great Quotes on Sex:

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz
SL500."
Lynn Lavner

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men
are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I
know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !"
Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences
money can buy.
Steve Martin

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

And

"At my age, making love is like playing pool with a rope."
George Burns

 

[Bob Denman]

I love this word and believe that it will become a recognized English word.
Finally, a word to describe our current political situation.

Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing; and, where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

 

[mowin]

I love this word and believe that it will become a recognized English word.
Finally, a word to describe our current political situation.

Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing; and, where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

Sounds accurate. Unfortunately..

 

[Bfromla]

Just mentioned to my wife that we should move to Guam for a new business opportunity. When I told her what my new job would be, she said we'll be bankrupt in a week. :gaah:

Ya fyi i lived there early 90's. $8-$10 for a gallon of milk will give you idea of cost of living on tropical island. Views were great nodoubt but the 8.2 earthquake was good hint we needed to come back to the mainland!


I wasn't there but I still care! POW /MIA VETS

 

[Bob Denman]

So tell us: How much do they pay for "Virgin Processing Technicians"? :roflblack:

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

Just for some fun:

Big Brother anyone?

Jerry Baumchen

 

[Peter Aawen]

It might be just me, but I can't see any pic Jerry!

 

[Bfromla]

Hi folks,

Just for some fun:

Big Brother anyone?

Jerry Baumchen

What pic??? Anyone see anything but a box of dotted lines?:dontknow: (Whatever it was , I think big brother may have intercepted :yikes::gaah::lecturef_smilie:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

Hi folks,

Just for some fun:

Big Brother anyone?

Jerry Baumchen

What pic??? Anyone see anything but a box of dotted lines?:dontknow: (Whatever it was , I think big brother may have intercepted :yikes::gaah::lecturef_smilie:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

What dotted lines?

In this message reply edit box a faint figure shows up. When I click on it and follow the link that comes up in Adblock Plus it goes to Dropzone.com. I'm guessing you have to be a Dropzone registered user to see the image. Maybe Jerry has incorrectly linked to the document, whatever it is.