Tool Time with Jim

[bruiser]

Since it's NASCAR season I thought I'd add a tool.

The engine hoist or puller- Sometimes refered to as an "A" frame. This can be a permanent mount overhead electric hoist or more often a portable wheeled tool with a jack like hydraulic cylinder used to lift the arm which has a chain that, is never the correct length, and hook attached. As the name implies it's primary use is to lift or lower engines. But as most mechanics know they're real use is to test the tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect before lifting. This tool is often used in conjunction with the 1/2 by 24 inch Craftsman screwdriver which is a pry bar with a nicely machined screwdriver tip. And the dammit tool.

 

[NancysToy]

Hey, I've got one....

The Jack Stand - The jack stand is basically a fancy prop, used to stabilize and hold up the vehicle when elevated. It is used whenever you can't find a handy blockor two of wood or a pair of concrete blocks. Jack stands are used in pairs, and should always be used when a vehicle is jacked up, before climbing under or working on the vehicle. They are adjustable, and are always either a little too short or too long. Why they can't put those holes or notches in the right place is beyond me. Maybe they could make a smart floor jack, that would raise the vehicle to exactly the right height to match the paired smart jack stands. The tech industry is missing out on a real opportunity here. :roflblack: Another endearing quality of the jack stand is its tendency to come apart when picked up, if it is lifted by the top and is the ratchet type or not pinned. Any quality of a tool that brings out the finest in cuss words and puzzled looks is worthy of mention here.

 

[bruiser]

I like it!!!! :2thumbs:

 

[Bob Denman]

The nicest thing that can be siad about jackstands; they prevent whatever it is that you've precariouly balanced on Gawd knows what, from becoming a do it yourself guillotine! :yikes:

 

[bruiser]

And bottle jacks are useless as jack stands. That's from experience :yikes:.

 

[Bob Denman]

they ARE a bit easier to throw...:gaah:

 

[bruiser]

Then there's the ubiquitous scissors jack. A waste of cheap steel. When you need it you have to empty the entire trunk. Remove the trunk floor, unscrew the plastic nut from 4 foot of allthread, lift the equally ubiquitous space saving spare then unscrew another plastic nut to get to the jack. Unless said jack is stored under the rear seat, in which case you have to be a contorsionist to get it out. Once the jack is liberated you then have to find the correct spot to place it as indicated in the owners manual. That's assuming the owners manual is still in the car. Then you have to unfold the six foot jack handle without pinching your hand. Don't forget to get something hard to place under the jack so it doesn't sink into the soft earth of the shoulder. Now that all of the above is done you have to jack up the vehicle. This takes two people. One to keep the jack from flipping over while the other turns the jack handle all the while trying to keep it from refolding without pinching your hand. At this point it should be noted that the lug nuts should have been broken loose before jacking, this prevents the vehicle from rolling off the jack and putting a nice crease in the bottom moulding. Once the flat tire clears the ground you can remove it. Retrieving the spare you can now install it on the hub, after you jack the vehicle up some more so the spare will clear the ground. All of this is taking place on the shoulder of the road while the car is on an angle, in the rain and 100 degree heat with traffic whizing by so close you hug the fender. After six hours of cussing, your done, throw the bent and twisted scissors jack off the side of the road. Go to the nearest auto parts store and get a small lightweight floor jack. Or sign up for AAA. Or get a new 2013 car, they no longer have spare tires, just a patch kit and cheap 12 volt air pump. I know, I test drove a 2013.

 

[bruiser]

they ARE a bit easier to throw...:gaah:

And they leak all over the place.

 

[Bob Denman]

Changing a tire along the roadside rates right up there with...

Colonoscopies
Root Canal work
and...
IRS Audits

 

[mowin]

Changing a tire along the roadside rates right up there with...

Colonoscopies
Root Canal work
and...
IRS Audits

Not sure 'bout that....I'd so much rather change a flat roadside than any of those..

If I have to get any of the above done, I'll call ya and you can go in my place, and I'll owe ya a tire change:roflblack:

 

[bruiser]

Addendum to scissors jack. I mentioned 2013 Malibu didn't have a spare. You can get a spare tire, but it's an option.

I agree with Mowin too, would much rather change a flat.

 

[Bob Denman]

I've changed a couple of flats... :gaah:
I think that holding hands with my proctologist is less stressful! :yikes:

 

[mowin]

I've changed a couple of flats... :gaah:
I think that holding hands with my proctologist is less stressful! :yikes:

Ok....PLEASE tell me your proctologist is a gal...:roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

pps:pps:pps: But his assistant is!

 

[bruiser]

Since we're talking Docs, my dermatologist can pass for Lucy Liu. hyea:

 

[Bob Denman]

And your health insurance carrier will pay for Lucy??? :shocked: :thumbup:
You've GOT to put me in touch with your Broker.
My dermatologist is a bottle of Lubriderm! pps:

 

[bruiser]

My broker was an Air Force recruiter. We're paying for Tri Care which is military medical. However, sequestration may change all that. And not for the good.

 

[Bob Denman]

Do you think that you'll end up with Phyllis Diller if sequestration becomes the new reality?:yikes: