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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Trickie Dick
New member
Five rules for Men to have Happy Life
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.
Bob Denman
New member
You live on the edge; my friend! :shocked: :thumbup: :roflblack:
Bob Denman
New member
That's not funny... :shocked: :yikes:
:roflblack:
:roflblack:
dannymax
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh Amarillo, Texas
theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry,
sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient:
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the
aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no
success.
Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation
briefly, then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Frank," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Frank?" asked the Ranger.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Frank replied,
"...The Balcony..."
theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry,
sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient:
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the
aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no
success.
Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation
briefly, then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Frank," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Frank?" asked the Ranger.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Frank replied,
"...The Balcony..."
warp10
New member
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President ***** method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President ***** method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
Bob Denman
New member
:thumbup: I like that! :thumbup:
dannymax
New member
Bob Denman
New member
ATTENTION LADIES!
If your man has said that he's going to fix something, he'll do it. Just relax...
You don't have to remind him about it every six months!
If your man has said that he's going to fix something, he'll do it. Just relax...
You don't have to remind him about it every six months!
Bob Denman
New member
And Then The Fight Started
My Missus tells me that her Mother is coming to visit... :shocked:
Oh great! :gaah:
Now I've got to clean out half of my closet so that she's got a place to hang upside-down and sleep all day while waiting for darkness...
My Missus tells me that her Mother is coming to visit... :shocked:
Oh great! :gaah:
Now I've got to clean out half of my closet so that she's got a place to hang upside-down and sleep all day while waiting for darkness...
Bob Denman
New member
If I could read a woman's mind; I don't think that I'd want to...
I already hate clothes, shopping and gossip, and I'm well aware of just how annoying I am! :shocked:
I already hate clothes, shopping and gossip, and I'm well aware of just how annoying I am! :shocked:
Bob Denman
New member
I've got a buddy out in Utah who gets off of his Outlander 800 MAX once in a while to send me some tidbits... :thumbup:
Bob Denman
New member
Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?
''Yes, What can I do for you?''
'' I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it
inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'' ''Thank you very much for the call, sir.'' The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on
Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood. but find no marijuana.
They sneered at Virgil and leave. Shortly after the phone rings at Virgil's house. ''Hey, Virgil, This here's Floyd.... Did the Sheriff come?''
'Yeah!'' '' Did they chop your firewood for the winter?'' ''Yep!'' ''Happy Birthday buddy!''
''Yes, What can I do for you?''
'' I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith.... He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it
inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.'' ''Thank you very much for the call, sir.'' The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on
Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood. but find no marijuana.
They sneered at Virgil and leave. Shortly after the phone rings at Virgil's house. ''Hey, Virgil, This here's Floyd.... Did the Sheriff come?''
'Yeah!'' '' Did they chop your firewood for the winter?'' ''Yep!'' ''Happy Birthday buddy!''
Bob Denman
New member
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious
enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to
court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning
farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule
Bessie into the--"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you
were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the
road--''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the
accident, this man told the State Trooper on the scene that he was just
fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my
client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the
question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's
answer and told the lawyer so.
''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my
favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway
when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my
truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was
thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in
terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a State
Trooper came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so
he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot
her between the eyes. Then the Trooper came across the road with his gun
in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape
I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'" :shocked:
enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to
court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning
farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule
Bessie into the--"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you
were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the
road--''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the
accident, this man told the State Trooper on the scene that he was just
fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my
client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the
question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's
answer and told the lawyer so.
''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my
favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway
when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my
truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was
thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in
terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a State
Trooper came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so
he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot
her between the eyes. Then the Trooper came across the road with his gun
in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape
I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'" :shocked:
Bob Denman
New member
My sex life is just like a Ferrari...
I don't have one of those either! :shocked:
I don't have one of those either! :shocked:
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