Black Pig
Member
So true, over here in rural(ish) Scotland, we get the Sunday Jams, with the caravans holding up the cars, the farm traffic holding up the caravans and the Harleys holding up the farm traffic.
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Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
So true, over here in rural(ish) Scotland, we get the Sunday Jams, with the caravans holding up the cars, the farm traffic holding up the caravans and the Harleys holding up the farm traffic.
Bob Denman
New member
So true, over here in rural(ish) Scotland, we get the Sunday Jams, with the caravans holding up the cars, the farm traffic holding up the caravans and the Harleys holding up the farm traffic.
And what holds up the farm traffic? :dontknow:
The weather!
Bob Denman
New member
But, no cigar ...
What's wrong with a string and two tin cans anymore?
vided
New member
John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go
golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn.
So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a
terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and
asked the attractive lady who answered the door if
they could spend the night.
‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this
huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,'
she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if
I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the
barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first
light.'
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to
the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got
on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected
letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to
figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from
the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the
golf weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn,
do you remember that good-looking widow from the
farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about
9 months ago?'
‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night,
go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about
being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of
telling her your name?'
Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look,
I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'
‘She just died and left me everything.'
(And you thought the ending would be different,
didn't you?...
You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the
rest of the day.
golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn.
So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a
terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and
asked the attractive lady who answered the door if
they could spend the night.
‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this
huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,'
she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if
I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the
barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first
light.'
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to
the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got
on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected
letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to
figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from
the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the
golf weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn,
do you remember that good-looking widow from the
farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about
9 months ago?'
‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night,
go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about
being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of
telling her your name?'
Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look,
I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'
‘She just died and left me everything.'
(And you thought the ending would be different,
didn't you?...
You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the
rest of the day.
Bob Denman
New member
:clap: I love happy endings!! :thumbup:
Bob Denman
New member
This one is probably wayyyy over the edge...
What the Hell!
There are two 35 year old bachelors at opposite ends of the Country:
One of them is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers, and the other one is receiving "oral favors" from a ninety year old prostitute..
pps:
But they're both thinking the EXACT same thing!!
What is it??? :dontknow:
...Don't look down! :yikes:
What the Hell!
There are two 35 year old bachelors at opposite ends of the Country:
One of them is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers, and the other one is receiving "oral favors" from a ninety year old prostitute..
pps:But they're both thinking the EXACT same thing!!
What is it??? :dontknow:
...Don't look down! :yikes:
Bob Denman
New member
This was an actual advertisement for a restaurant way back in the day...
:shocked: I'm not saying anything else!
:shocked: I'm not saying anything else!
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked::agree: :yikes:
SpyderConvert
Member
Ain't It The Truth?
SpyderConvert
Member
Poison!! (Joke)
A man goes to see the Rabbi. '
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
A man goes to see the Rabbi. '
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
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