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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
cptjam
Registered User
Bob Denman
New member
vided
New member
Doh!! It means pull over, it's time to have a cuppa tea, silly!! :lecturef_smilie:
Oh, and while you're there, put some oil in your engine. :thumbup:
You know, when I first read the poster in that image, I sprayed my tablet with really hot tea spurting outta my nose!! That hurt (& took some clean-up!) but I hadta laugh..... :shocked: You should put warning labels on your joke posts!! :clap: :2thumbs:
Bob Denman
New member
SpyderConvert
Member
Wht Wives Attempt To Change Their Husbands
Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:
Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behavior and life-style once their vows are exchanged?
Finally, the riddle is solved.
A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation. When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle,
she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts where the brain absorbs these three stimuli:
Aisle, altar, and hymn.
She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these
perceptions:
Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn.
And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself:
'I'll alter him!’
Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:
Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behavior and life-style once their vows are exchanged?
Finally, the riddle is solved.
A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation. When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle,
she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts where the brain absorbs these three stimuli:
Aisle, altar, and hymn.
She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these
perceptions:
Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn.
And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself:
'I'll alter him!’
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: I just KNEW that it had to be that simple! :banghead:
Bob Denman
New member
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He'd been
playing outside with the other kids,when he came into the house and asked,
'Grandpa, what's that called whentwo people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.
'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse’
Oh,’ Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse.It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s
mom wants to talk to you.
playing outside with the other kids,when he came into the house and asked,
'Grandpa, what's that called whentwo people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.
'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse’
Oh,’ Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse.It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s
mom wants to talk to you.
Black Pig
Member
SpyderConvert
Member
Food For Thought (Some Oldies)
* A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
* Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
* Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
* Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
* A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
* Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
* Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
* When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
* A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
* In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
* She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
* If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
* With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
* The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
* You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
* Every calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
* A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
* A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
* Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture is a jab well done.
* A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
* Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
* Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
* Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
* A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
* Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
* Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
* When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
* A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
* In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
* She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
* If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
* With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
* The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
* You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
* Every calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
* A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
* A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
* Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture is a jab well done.
SpyderConvert
Member
Pecans In The Cemetery
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful
of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me' said one boy.. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.
He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..'
He just knew what it was.. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth.
Let's see if we can see the Lord..'
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence
tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
A last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all.... Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful
of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me' said one boy.. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.
He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..'
He just knew what it was.. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth.
Let's see if we can see the Lord..'
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence
tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
A last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all.... Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
vided
New member
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know ****?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know ****?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
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