Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

[SpyderConvert]

Two Pirates

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet 
in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?”

Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

 

[SpyderConvert]

Updated Nursery Rhymes (from England)

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap::2thumbs:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

Who knew?? :dontknow:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

So pass the bacon!! :yes::yes::yes:

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: I thought that when they said, "Fly the friendly skies": this is what they meant. :dontknow:

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: :barf:

 

[SpyderConvert]

A Real Groaner

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
Miss Whack, Id like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation." Patty looks at the frog in disbeliefand asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick and thats ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with collateral. The frog says "shure I have this," and produces a tiny
porcelain elephant about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she will have to
consult the bank manager and disappears into the back office. She finds the manager and says,
"There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who clames to know you and wants to borrow $30.000 and wants to use this as collateral.
She holds up the tiny pink pink elephant."I mean, what is this?".
The bank manager looks back at her and says...... It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone.

 

[PrairieSpyder]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
Miss Whack, Id like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation." Patty looks at the frog in disbeliefand asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick and thats ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with collateral. The frog says "shure I have this," and produces a tiny
porcelain elephant about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she will have to
consult the bank manager and disappears into the back office. She finds the manager and says,
"There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who clames to know you and wants to borrow $30.000 and wants to use this as collateral.
She holds up the tiny pink pink elephant."I mean, what is this?".
The bank manager looks back at her and says...... It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone.

Groan!!

 

[Lew L]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
Miss Whack, Id like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation." Patty looks at the frog in disbeliefand asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick and thats ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with collateral. The frog says "shure I have this," and produces a tiny
porcelain elephant about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she will have to
consult the bank manager and disappears into the back office. She finds the manager and says,
"There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who clames to know you and wants to borrow $30.000 and wants to use this as collateral.
She holds up the tiny pink pink elephant."I mean, what is this?".
The bank manager looks back at her and says...... It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone.

I know it's a groaner but my simple mind found it funny on the Christmas Day.

View attachment 156549

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
Miss Whack, Id like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation." Patty looks at the frog in disbeliefand asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick and thats ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with collateral. The frog says "shure I have this," and produces a tiny
porcelain elephant about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she will have to
consult the bank manager and disappears into the back office. She finds the manager and says,
"There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who clames to know you and wants to borrow $30.000 and wants to use this as collateral.
She holds up the tiny pink pink elephant."I mean, what is this?".
The bank manager looks back at her and says...... It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone.

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[UtahPete]

View attachment 156555

Or, just keep looking 'til you find a woman that means it....nojoke