• There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.

Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
 
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

Sure blame Mr Ding-a-ling....:roflblack:
 
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
 
Chelsea Manning found guilty of having contraband in her cell... :shocked:
Including The Caitlyn Jenner cover of Vanity Fair...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...contraband-vanity-fairs-caitlin-jenner-cover/

:yikes: Thank goodness that she never got any of the out-takes from that photo shoot... :barf:

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Did you ever think that a baby shower is a lot like being invited to an accident scene? :dontknow:

...Before the accident actually occurs? :shocked:

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A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana,
unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief,
which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence" says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran,
and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor,
this time with a grin on his face.


"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.

“We'll have a new one."


So now you know why they shoot the cannon at 1 PM vs. 12 noon for the time check...



Jerry
 
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.
After the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally, the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.

Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now; so, he asked me to keep you occupied."


The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder, and says, "You better hurry home. My wife died a year ago."
 
good news,,, bad news

a man goes to his doctor to get results from a battery of tests he had due to never feeling good.
the doctor comes in and says, I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS FOR YOU
the man says, DOCTOR GIVE ME THE BAD NEWS FIRST.
the doctor says, YOU HAVE A INOPERABLE BRAIN TUMOR, AND YOU ONLY HAVE 6 WEEKS TO LIVE.
the man says WOW DOCTOR, ARE YOU SURE
and the doctor says, YES I AM
at that point the man says,,, WHAT COULD BE GOOD NEWS AFTER THAT
and the doctor says,,,, I'M SCREWING MY RECEPTIONIST !
 
Hi folks,

The Request:

I, Mr. P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for thefollowing reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation..
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

Mr. P. Niss

The Management Response:

Dear Mr. P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay inyour designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in orderto start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed theassigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exitingthe workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

Ms. V. Gina


:opps:

Jerry Baumchen
 
Hi folks,

He said to her: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said to him: You wear pants don't you?

He said to her: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said to him: That's a good idea -you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart

He said to her: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said to him: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to her: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said to him: They don't have time.

He said to her: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said to him: I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to her: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
She said to him: They already have boyfriends.

He said to her: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
She said to him: A widow.

He said to her: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said to him: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


:shocked:

Jerry Baumchen
 
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