• There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.

Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

Misguided logic

LOGIC

Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450.

In one year, it would be approximately $5400, correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up

interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the
past 20 years, you could have

now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No

Man: Where's your Ferrari?
 
man went to a female dentist with two broken teeth he had knocked out in a bar fight. the dentist pulled out the needle and started moving towards him. "no way" the guy said, "i don't do needles". the dentist then put the syringe away and reached for the nitrous. the man shouted, "no laughing gas for me, i say crazy things and they're not appropriate". the female dentist hands him two pills and water and says take these. the guy looks at her and says 'what were they?" the female dentist responds "viagara". the guy says " i didn't know viagara can prevent pain". the dentist looks at him and says" they don't, but at least it'll give you something to hang on to while i pull those two teeth"!
 
Presbyterian vs Catholic

The Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church (C) is directly across the street from the Beulah Cumberland Presbyterian Church (P). They each post a weekly message outside.

Week 1:
C - ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVENP - ONLY HUMANS GO TO HEAVEN
READ THE BIBLE

Week 2:
C - GOD LOVES ALL HIS CREATURES
DOGS INCLUDED
P - DOGS DON'T HAVE SOULS
THIS IS NOT OPEN FOR DEBATE

Week 3:
C - CATHOLIC DOGS GO TO HEAVEN
PRESBYTERIAN DOGS CAN TALK TO THEIR PASTOR
P - CONVERTING TO CATHOLICISM DOES NOT MAGICALLY GRANT YOUR DOG A SOUL

Week 4:
C - FREE DOG SOULS WITH CONVERSION
P - DOGS ARE ANIMALS
THERE AREN'T ANY ROCKS IN HEAVEN EITHER

Week 5:
C - ALL ROCKS GO TO HEAVEN
 
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know sh*t?"

And then she went back to reading her book.
 
The Missus told me that I absolutely had to fix the gutter downspout this past weekend.
Now, it's been leaking and spraying water all over the front porch, so I guess that she did have a point.
I invited my 2 buddies over to help; misery loves company!
One brought the beer, and the other brought his welder...
It took us just about all day to get it fixed up, but a lot of that was for "Beer Stoppages"
I hope that she likes it!
Gutter downspout.jpg
 
You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put
under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100
... guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of
ammunition stored in his home.
The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: "Wow! He has
about a quarter million machine gun bullets."
The headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache!"
By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would
be called "mentally unstable." Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:
In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector."
In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."
In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd
probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a
corresponding quantity of stored food
In Tennessee and Virginia, he'd be called "the neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."
In Alabama, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."
In Louisiana, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."
In North Carolina, Mississippi and Texas he would be called "
a deer hunting buddy."
And in Georgia, he's just "Bubba" who's a little short on ammo.







 
Daisyjoe said:
You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put
under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100
... guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of
ammunition stored in his home.
The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: "Wow! He has
about a quarter million machine gun bullets."
The headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache!"
By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would
be called "mentally unstable." Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:
In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector."
In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."
In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd
probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a
corresponding quantity of stored food
In Tennessee and Virginia, he'd be called "the neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."
In Alabama, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."
In Louisiana, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."
In North Carolina, Mississippi and Texas he would be called "
a deer hunting buddy."
And in Georgia, he's just "Bubba" who's a little short on ammo.







Click to expand...

Where's the joke:dontknow:
 
:agree: Proof that real-life can be funny too! :D
In New york; they'd find a Judge somewhere who'd sign some :cus: paper to have them all confiscated... :gaah:
 
Crossword Puzzles

His Lordship was in the study at Downton Abbey when the butler approached and and coughed discreetly.
"May I ask you a question my Lord?"
"Go ahead Carson " said his Lordship.
"I am doing the crossword in The Times and I have found a word I am not too clear on"
"What word is that?" said his Lordship.
"Aplomb" my Lord..
"Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self assurance or complete composure"
"Thank you my Lord, but I'm still a little confused".
"Then let me give you an example to make it clearer. Do you remember a few months ago the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend a weekend with us."
" I remember the occasion very well , my Lord. It gave the staff and myself much pleasure to look after them."
" Also", continued the Earl of Grantham, " do you remember Will plucked a rose for Kate in the rose garden? "
"I was present on that occasion, my Lord, ministering to their needs"
"While plucking the rose a thorn embedded itself in his thumb very deeply"
Carson replied, "I witnessed the incident my Lord and saw the Duchess herself remove the thorn and bandage his thumb with her own dainty handkerchief."
"That evening his pricked thumb was so sore, Kate had to cut up his venison from our own estate even though it was extremely tender."
"Yes my Lord, I did see everything that transpired that evening."
"The next morning while you were pouring coffee for Her Ladyship, Kate enquired of Will with a loud voice," "Darling does your prick still throb?"
"You, Carson, did not spill one drop of coffee! Now, that is aplomb!"







 
"Complete", versus "Finished"

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However,
in a recent linguistic conference held in London and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin,
a Guyanese, was the clear winner. His final challenge was this:
Some say there is no difference between “COMPLETE” and "FINISHED". Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and
FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.
Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one
catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.
 
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