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Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Or, just keep looking 'til you find a woman that means it....nojoke
Bob Denman
New member
If you DO find one... does she have a sister??? :shocked:
I did find one but sorry no sister.
Bob Denman
New member
Okay... this might be Political, but it's also funny as Hell! :roflblack:
Enjoy it for what it is: A Parody!
Enjoy it for what it is: A Parody!
mowin
New member
Okay... this might be Political, but it's also funny as Hell! :roflblack:
Enjoy it for what it is: A Parody!
Really like the 5th day. :thumbup:
Bob Denman
New member
I had to chuckle at the "3 wrong polls..." :roflblack:
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
After being married for 20 yrs, Katherine and William go to the clinic for checkups.
After the checkup, the doctor called Katherine into his office alone. He said, “William is suffering from a very heavy stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, unfortunately he will die.”
“Every morning, prepare a healthy breakfast for him. Spend good time together. For lunch, cook nutritious food for him. You must do housework without his help. Don’t discuss any problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most important you have to make love a few times a week with your husband. If you can do this for the next 8 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home William asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
nojoke
Jerry Baumchen
After being married for 20 yrs, Katherine and William go to the clinic for checkups.
After the checkup, the doctor called Katherine into his office alone. He said, “William is suffering from a very heavy stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, unfortunately he will die.”
“Every morning, prepare a healthy breakfast for him. Spend good time together. For lunch, cook nutritious food for him. You must do housework without his help. Don’t discuss any problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most important you have to make love a few times a week with your husband. If you can do this for the next 8 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home William asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
nojoke
Jerry Baumchen
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
Earl goes to the drug store with his young son Jeff. As they walk past a display, Jeff asks his Dad, “What are these, Dad?”
Earl doesn’t believe in hiding things from his son and thinks his son is old enough to learn about such things so he says, “They are called condoms. Men use them for safe sex.”
Jeff looks at the display and notices there are packs of three condoms. He points to them and says, “Well…Dad, why are there three in those packets?”
Earl replies, “Those are for high-school boys – there’s one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” Jeff says, who then notices there are packs of six condoms and asks his father, “Then who are the packets of six for?”
Earl answers, “Those are for university guys. There are two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday.”
“Wow, sounds amazing!” said the boy. “Then who uses these?” as he picked up a twelve-pack.
Earl sighs sadly and says, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March, one for April, one for May, . . .
nojokenojokenojoke
Jerry Baumchen
Earl goes to the drug store with his young son Jeff. As they walk past a display, Jeff asks his Dad, “What are these, Dad?”
Earl doesn’t believe in hiding things from his son and thinks his son is old enough to learn about such things so he says, “They are called condoms. Men use them for safe sex.”
Jeff looks at the display and notices there are packs of three condoms. He points to them and says, “Well…Dad, why are there three in those packets?”
Earl replies, “Those are for high-school boys – there’s one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” Jeff says, who then notices there are packs of six condoms and asks his father, “Then who are the packets of six for?”
Earl answers, “Those are for university guys. There are two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday.”
“Wow, sounds amazing!” said the boy. “Then who uses these?” as he picked up a twelve-pack.
Earl sighs sadly and says, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March, one for April, one for May, . . .
nojokenojokenojoke
Jerry Baumchen
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
Shane walked into the bar and sat on the barstool. He says to the bartender, "10 shots of whiskey."
The bartender says, “Wow! What’s the matter? I think that's a little too much.”
Shane replies, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend.”
The next day Shane comes again to the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, “What’s wrong this time?”
Shane answers, “I found out that my son is gay.”
The next day the Shane comes in the bar and orders 20 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, “Doesn’t anyone in your family like women?”
Shane looks up to the bartender and says, “Apprently my wife does.”
:banghead::banghead::banghead:
Jerry Baumchen
Shane walked into the bar and sat on the barstool. He says to the bartender, "10 shots of whiskey."
The bartender says, “Wow! What’s the matter? I think that's a little too much.”
Shane replies, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend.”
The next day Shane comes again to the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, “What’s wrong this time?”
Shane answers, “I found out that my son is gay.”
The next day the Shane comes in the bar and orders 20 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, “Doesn’t anyone in your family like women?”
Shane looks up to the bartender and says, “Apprently my wife does.”
:banghead::banghead::banghead:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
:banghead: Why'd yo have to go and remind me?? :shocked:
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
Matt went to see his doctor and nervously asked if he had ever laughed at a patient in his business life.
The doctor reassured him, “In over twenty five years I haven’t laughed at a single patient because I always remain completely professional.”
With that Matt dropped his jeans revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen.
The doctor just couldn’t help himself and burst into uncontrollable laughter before composing himself and saying, “I’m sorry, I really am, I don’t know what happened to me. I promise it will not happen again. Now what is the problem?”
Matt said, “It’s swollen.”
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
Matt went to see his doctor and nervously asked if he had ever laughed at a patient in his business life.
The doctor reassured him, “In over twenty five years I haven’t laughed at a single patient because I always remain completely professional.”
With that Matt dropped his jeans revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen.
The doctor just couldn’t help himself and burst into uncontrollable laughter before composing himself and saying, “I’m sorry, I really am, I don’t know what happened to me. I promise it will not happen again. Now what is the problem?”
Matt said, “It’s swollen.”
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
A frog goes to a seer to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.
The seer reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”
The frog wants to learn good news at first.
The seer says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give your heart to her.”
“That’s awesome!” says the frog. “But what’s the bad news?”
“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class.
nojokenojokenojoke
Jerry Baumchen
A frog goes to a seer to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.
The seer reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”
The frog wants to learn good news at first.
The seer says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give your heart to her.”
“That’s awesome!” says the frog. “But what’s the bad news?”
“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class.
nojokenojokenojoke
Jerry Baumchen
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
Jelena walks into a BMW showroom. She browses around, spots the top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she mistakenly breaks Wind.
She felt very ashamed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a salesman doesn’t pop up right now.
As Jelena turns around, her worst nightmare comes true in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool like Johnny Depp and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may I help you today?”
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, Jelena asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely car?”
Salesman answers, “Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to really crap your pants when I tell you the price.”
:shocked::shocked::shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
Jelena walks into a BMW showroom. She browses around, spots the top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she mistakenly breaks Wind.
She felt very ashamed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a salesman doesn’t pop up right now.
As Jelena turns around, her worst nightmare comes true in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool like Johnny Depp and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may I help you today?”
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, Jelena asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely car?”
Salesman answers, “Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to really crap your pants when I tell you the price.”
:shocked::shocked::shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: You REALLY brought your "A-Game" with your today!! :clap::2thumbs: :bowdown:
pps:Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: Do not say a word; don't even breathe... :shocked:
Okay, good one. Better than the next 3....
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