Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[BigGuy66]

More sad news from Washington....

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason…they simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the nation's capital.

A search for a virgin also continues.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: That's too true, to actually be funny... :banghead:

 

[vided]

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[SpyderConvert]

Spell Check

My Rezimay

Deer Sur, I waunt to apply for the secritary job I seen in the Paper. I can type real kwik wit one finggar and do Sum Acounting 2. I think I am good on the fone and I am a pepole Person. Pepole really seam to respond goodly to me. I'm lookin for a jobb as a secritary but it Kant be 2 Complikaited My spelling is not 2 good but find that I awfin get a Job Bcuz of my persinalety.. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want To pay me and wat you think that I am wurth, I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse 4 yore Anser. Hopifuly I M Yore best aplicant so phar. Sinseerly, Peggy May McBiggins PS : I half includeded a pickture of me B low. Dear Peggy May: Start on Monday. We have spell check. signed..... Harvey Weinstein

 

[PrairieSpyder]

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

SpyderConvert, the pic didn't come over in your post but I can imaging what it looked like.

 

[Bob Denman]

My mind might have also run rampant; with all of the possibilities... :roflblack: :2thumbs:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[vided]

 

[PrairieSpyder]

View attachment 155919

First you must ??? and then ??? :dontknow:

 

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

First you must ??? and then ??? :dontknow:

Yeah, either we both had it just go over our dense heads, or a color blind person prepared the image and didn't realize you can't read yellow font on yellow background! :roflblack: Maybe vided is just playing with our minds! :dontknow:

 

[Bob Denman]

No... Barry knew exactly what he was posting! :clap: :2thumbs:
And it's 100% true! nojoke

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

On an overseas flight, the pilot comes over the public microphone system as usual and to greet the passengers.

He tells the passengers at what altitude they will be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.

Then he forgets to turn off the microphone, and the pilot says to his co-pilot, ‘What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob.’

All the passengers hear it.

A hostess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his blunder.

One of the passengers stops her and says, ‘Don’t forget the coffee!’

:yes::yes::yes:

Jerry Baumchen

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::c lap:

 

[SpyderConvert]

Spell Check Picture

Hope that you can see it now.....

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[vided]

Bob, how did I beat you to the post

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside And asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "

Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him an *******. Do you understand all that?"

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb ass decision or that the coach is a ****head, is it?"

"No, coach."

"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother."
​

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap::clap: :2thumbs:
Thanks!

 

[Bob Denman]

NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION
We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves
nd our great-great-great- grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.'
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of dummies, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you get the blue juice.
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure. (Except in Chicago.)
ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X:
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you came from, English is our language. Learn it!
Lastly
ARTICLE XI:
You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, sorry if you are uncomfortable with it.