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Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
And finally...
Bob Denman
New member
When I heard Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were guest preachers at a nearby church,
I decided to go there and check them out in person.
As soon as I sat down, Reverend Sharpton came over to me. I don't know why,
maybe it was because I was the only white person in the church?
He laid his hands on my shoulder and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord
Almighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."
I thanked him, but told him I was not paralyzed.
Then Jesse Jackson came by and said: "By the Grace of God, and his Son
Jesus, the Lord Almighty, you will walk today."
Again, I said that there is nothing wrong with me. After the sermon I
stepped outside and lo and behold ---
My car was gone !
Amen
I decided to go there and check them out in person.
As soon as I sat down, Reverend Sharpton came over to me. I don't know why,
maybe it was because I was the only white person in the church?
He laid his hands on my shoulder and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord
Almighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."
I thanked him, but told him I was not paralyzed.
Then Jesse Jackson came by and said: "By the Grace of God, and his Son
Jesus, the Lord Almighty, you will walk today."
Again, I said that there is nothing wrong with me. After the sermon I
stepped outside and lo and behold ---
My car was gone !
Amen
ofdave
New member
AS I AGE, I REALIZE THAT
1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.
2. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.
3. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
4. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
5. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini vacation.
6. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.
7. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!
8. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
9. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
10. When my kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.
2. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.
3. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
4. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
5. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini vacation.
6. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.
7. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!
8. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
9. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
10. When my kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
Bob Denman
New member
vided
New member
I talked to a to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed,
I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was "PAROLED"
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed,
I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was "PAROLED"
ofdave
New member
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
ofdave
New member
'OLD' IS WHEN...Going braless
pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN...You don't care
where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS WHEN....Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN...You don't care
where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS WHEN....Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
Bob Denman
New member
Another one from Cuzn... :roflblack:
mowin
New member
Fitting for the time or yr. Thanks cuzn...:thumbup:... and of course you to Bob :cheers:
Bob Denman
New member
He's a valuable and trusted source of "Tomfoolery"... :2thumbs:Bob Denman
New member
And here's another one from him! :clap: :roflblack:
vided
New member
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: That's gonna leave a mark... :yikes:
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