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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
That's exactly the trouble with doing nothing :shocked:: How do you know when you're finished? :dontknow:
ofdave
New member
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the
car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her,
"There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him
I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her,
"There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him
I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
Bob Denman
New member
This one is from Cuzn... The judge says to a double-homicide defendant..."You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You b*****d!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten b*****d!"
The judge stops and says to George in the back of the courtroom.
"Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt.
Is that understood?"
George stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that a**hole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one.
vided
New member
Golf Balls Here is a little known fact about golf balls...
According to Golf World magazine, the average golfer loses two golf balls per round for a worldwide total of approximately 2,465,752
every day. Worried about running out? Don't be. Companies like Titleist are working hard to ensure that never happens. Titleist makes 1.2 million golf balls each day.
And one more thought to ponder on...
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls. A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. You're like.... a hybrid!
According to Golf World magazine, the average golfer loses two golf balls per round for a worldwide total of approximately 2,465,752
every day. Worried about running out? Don't be. Companies like Titleist are working hard to ensure that never happens. Titleist makes 1.2 million golf balls each day.
And one more thought to ponder on...
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls. A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: But what if you rent a golfcart? :shocked:
Bob Denman
New member
INITIAL EMAIL MESSAGE:
Hi Fred. This is Alan next door. I have a confession to make.. I've
been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to
get up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now
telling you by email as I can't live with myself a moment longer
without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day
and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I
haven't been getting it at home recently, but that is no excuse, I
know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the
guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive
me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll
pay you. Regards, Alan
THE RESPONSE:
Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot his
neighbor dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink
and sat down on the sofa. He sat down at his computer, where he saw
he has a second message from his neighbor.
THE SECOND MESSAGE:
Hi Fred. This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my
last email. I expect you figured it out anyway and that you noticed
that darned Auto-Correct changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, hey?
Regards, Alan
Hi Fred. This is Alan next door. I have a confession to make.. I've
been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to
get up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now
telling you by email as I can't live with myself a moment longer
without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day
and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I
haven't been getting it at home recently, but that is no excuse, I
know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the
guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive
me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll
pay you. Regards, Alan
THE RESPONSE:
Fred, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot his
neighbor dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink
and sat down on the sofa. He sat down at his computer, where he saw
he has a second message from his neighbor.
THE SECOND MESSAGE:
Hi Fred. This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my
last email. I expect you figured it out anyway and that you noticed
that darned Auto-Correct changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, hey?
Regards, Alan
Bob Denman
New member
Sing A Song About Unsung Heroes...
:roflblack: Our favorite CuznJohn sends me the bestest videos! :roflblack:
:roflblack: Our favorite CuznJohn sends me the bestest videos! :roflblack:
Last edited:
Bob Denman
New member
Here's another one from Cuzn... :roflblack:
Last edited:
Bob Denman
New member
pps: I'm just the lowly messenger... :dontknow:
vided
New member
A few dated jokes, but still gets some laughs.
The Jewish ELBOW
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator
Is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........
"What . . . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a
Home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
Irish blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down
And squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
...... But all men...are men!
Global Facts About Sex
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.
You hang in there, sunshine!
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator
Is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........
"What . . . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a
Home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
Irish blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down
And squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
...... But all men...are men!
Global Facts About Sex
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.
You hang in there, sunshine!
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mowin
New member
Definitely not a lowly messenger. It's our only way to keep cuzn somewhat active on SL.
Bob Denman
New member
:thumbup:
SpyderConvert
Member
New Math
SpyderConvert
Member
A Fun Week
Fun Week
MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control, talk to her, and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother,
saying, “Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!”
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!”
The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.”
The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”
The preacher said, “No ****?”
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed, “for me?”
“Just take two,” Brenda replied. “The rest are for your father.”
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could
screw, he could fly.”
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, here is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding cake.”
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
All his buddies at the club are aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
Fun Week
MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control, talk to her, and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother,
saying, “Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!”
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!”
The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.”
The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”
The preacher said, “No ****?”
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed, “for me?”
“Just take two,” Brenda replied. “The rest are for your father.”
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could
screw, he could fly.”
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, here is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding cake.”
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
All his buddies at the club are aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.” She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”
Bob Denman
New member
:clap: :roflblack: :2thumbs:
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