PrairieSpyder
New member
:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:
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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
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2016 STELLA AWARDS
It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
Here are the Stellas for2016:
Start scratching!
Scratch some more…
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish We should all have this kind of anguish.
Keep scratching. There are more…
Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..
* THIRD PLACE *
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Only two more so ease up on the scratching…
Ok. Here we go!!
It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.
Here are the Stellas for2016:
* SEVENTH PLACE *
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
Start scratching!
* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Scratch some more…
* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish We should all have this kind of anguish.
Keep scratching. There are more…
* FOURTH PLACE *
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..
* THIRD PLACE *
Only two more so ease up on the scratching…
*SECOND PLACE*
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
Ok. Here we go!!
* FIRST PLACE *
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
Heard - In Church !!
ONE SUNDAY MORNING, THE PASTOR NOTICED LITTLE ALEX STANDING IN THE FOYER OF THE CHURCH STARING UP AT A LARGE PLAQUE.
IT WAS COVERED WITH NAMES WITH SMALL U.S.A. FLAGS MOUNTED ON EITHER SIDE OF IT.
THE SEVEN YEAR OLD HAD BEEN STARING AT THE PLAQUE FOR SOME TIME, SO THE PASTOR WALKED UP, STOOD BESIDE THE LITTLE BOY, AND SAID QUIETLY, GOOD MORNING " ALEX."
"GOOD MORNING PASTOR," HE REPLIED, STILL FOCUSED ON THE PLAQUE. "PASTOR, WHAT IS THIS?" HE ASKED.
THE PASTOR SAID, "WELL, SON, IT'S A MEMORIAL TO ALL THE YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN WHO DIED IN THE SERVICE."
SOBERLY, THEY JUST STOOD TOGETHER, STARING AT THE LARGE PLAQUE.
FINALLY, LITTLE ALEX'S VOICE, BARELY AUDIBLE AND TREMBLING WITH FEAR, ASKED, "WHICH SERVICE, THE 9:00 OR THE 11:00?"
ONE SUNDAY MORNING, THE PASTOR NOTICED LITTLE ALEX STANDING IN THE FOYER OF THE CHURCH STARING UP AT A LARGE PLAQUE.
IT WAS COVERED WITH NAMES WITH SMALL U.S.A. FLAGS MOUNTED ON EITHER SIDE OF IT.
THE SEVEN YEAR OLD HAD BEEN STARING AT THE PLAQUE FOR SOME TIME, SO THE PASTOR WALKED UP, STOOD BESIDE THE LITTLE BOY, AND SAID QUIETLY, GOOD MORNING " ALEX."
"GOOD MORNING PASTOR," HE REPLIED, STILL FOCUSED ON THE PLAQUE. "PASTOR, WHAT IS THIS?" HE ASKED.
THE PASTOR SAID, "WELL, SON, IT'S A MEMORIAL TO ALL THE YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN WHO DIED IN THE SERVICE."
SOBERLY, THEY JUST STOOD TOGETHER, STARING AT THE LARGE PLAQUE.
FINALLY, LITTLE ALEX'S VOICE, BARELY AUDIBLE AND TREMBLING WITH FEAR, ASKED, "WHICH SERVICE, THE 9:00 OR THE 11:00?"
IdahoMtnSpyder
Active member
Still funny, even though the same people have gotten the same awards probably every year since 2001!:roflblack:
PrairieSpyder
New member
I understand it, but can't speak it! :dontknow:
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance
exam to go to medical school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the
letters “PNEIS" into the name of an important human body part which is
most useful when erect.
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes by email.
exam to go to medical school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the
letters “PNEIS" into the name of an important human body part which is
most useful when erect.
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes by email.
Excuse me while I send off another email :banghead:
LateLifeCrisis
New member
ANOTHER LOVING HUSBAND?
Thinking back a few years when we were living in Florida, I remembered Hurricane Doris. I was ready for it, but my wife was not. When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and thrashing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying pieces of roof, destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound level, my wife was rooted to the spot.
She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever. Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to open the door and let her in....:yikes:
Thinking back a few years when we were living in Florida, I remembered Hurricane Doris. I was ready for it, but my wife was not. When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and thrashing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying pieces of roof, destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound level, my wife was rooted to the spot.
She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever. Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to open the door and let her in....:yikes:
LateLifeCrisis
New member
Pesky Squirrels
The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels on the church grounds. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Methodist Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since. :yikes:
The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels on the church grounds. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Methodist Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since. :yikes:
Bob Denman
New member
:clap:
SpyderConvert
Member
The Scottish Castaway
One day a Scotsman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf is a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long it’s been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the Scotsman.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Och - in the name of the wee man is that good!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good scotch?" she asks him.
Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks,
"And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"
One day a Scotsman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf is a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long it’s been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the Scotsman.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Och - in the name of the wee man is that good!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good scotch?" she asks him.
Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks,
"And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
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