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Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

Bob Denman said:
By the way...
With my revised joke: they actually took a picture before things got interesting... :roflblack:

View attachment 143954
Click to expand...

Yep, that IS a bad idea!! Possibly even worse of an idea than you might think! :shocked:

Look at the water surface around the Croc. That adult male Crocodile is 'thrumming' & vibrating the water in the way they do just before they mate with the object of their desire.....:shocked: errrm, do'ya think someone should tell that fella that I don't think that croc's really all that interested in mating with the FISH!! :yikes:


:cus: :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:
 
As I Grow Older



Since it was such a crappy day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life. I came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but annoying everyone off is a piece of cake.

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Lance Armstrong....I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved: winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. Hell, when I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.

Someone broke into my house last week. They didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now they drive by and change the channels. Sick bastards !

The Agony of Aging....On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

Video Scam....Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money !
Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

Pregnant Prostitute...Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" "Hey dumb ass, she replied, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart !
​
 
Pulled over at 2am

Philip, soon to be 83 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 am
and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
Philip replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on
the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Philip replied, "That would be my wife."

IMG_2178.JPG
 
The Biker and The Bird

A biker is zippin' down the road, just enjoying the beautiful day, the wind in his face, thinkin' all is right with the world. All of a sudden, a sparrow flies in front of him and SMACK! the bird hits him square in the chest and drops in his lap. The biker pulls over, checks out the little bird and thinks he sees his chest going up and down. Being kindhearted, he takes the bird home and puts him in his kid's old gerbil cage hoping he'll be okay.

A few hours later the bird wakes up, shakes his head and glances around, wondering where he is. He hops up, looks around, realizes he's in a cage and says to himself, "****, guess I killed the biker!"
 :roflblack:
 
I liked it

Bob Denman said:
This one won't last... but it IS funny! :D

By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?
Click to expand...

Trust me Bob. I liked it, and thought it was funny. Sometimes a joke is not funny without certain details. By the way, I'm born and raised in California.
 
A Guy walks into a bar with a monkey sitting on his shoulder...
The bartender asks:
"What's with that?"
The Monkey says:
"I dunno. One day, my butt just started itching, and then next thing I know..."
 
Hi folks,

A younger, inexperienced Indian chief was wondering how much firewood he needed to gather for the winter. He was not like the chiefs in the past that could tell from the clouds and stuff like that.

He decided to make his people gather tons of firewood, more than they usually gather just to be safe. The young chief was still curious though so he decided to call the weather service people.

The weather service said that it was supposed to be a pretty cold winter, colder than most years.

So the young chief made his people gather more firewood. They were getting pretty tired.

Again the chief called the weather service and they said that it was suppose to be even colder.

So the Indians went back to wood cutting, and were getting even more tired. Some were even ill and their hands were rubbed raw and blistered. They had to build an additional hut for all of the firewood which took even more wood to build.

Once again the chief called, and the weather service said that there may be another ice age.

The chief asked him how they could tell all of this and he simply replied, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

:yikes:

Jerry Baumchen
 
Bob Denman said:
...than get caught raiding your neighbor's wood-pile!" :thumbup:
Click to expand...

ESPECIALLY if your neighbour has been annoyed by people flogging his wood & so has taken to occasionally drilling out the centre of the odd random log or six & filling the resulting holes with dynamite!! :shocked: That can rapidly turn a cold winter's evening gathering around the fire into a real blast!! :yes: :yes: :roflblack: :roflblack:
 
Yup! :thumbup:
Our hunting camp kept having it's wood supply pilfered, so we did just that! nojoke
(Well, we loaded the log with blackpowder...)
I heard about a camp blowing up at the Annual Meeting; but of course I knew nothing about it.
(Our camp is part of a collection of 31 camps, that lease from a logging company.)
 
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