Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[PrairieSpyder]

Bob, that is way too true! nojoke

 

[Bob Denman]

It was sent to me by a "Texas Transplant"; who really loves his new State!

 

[oldguyinTX]

OK Bob, I'll try again.

 

[Bob Denman]

It got here this time! :thumbup:
And until a woman tells him that he's wrong: he's good to go!

 

[mowin]

It got here this time! :thumbup:
And until a woman tells him that he's wrong: he's good to go!

I've been told. :banghead::banghead:

 

[Bob Denman]

This is NOT A Political Post...

It's just a post about crime statistics... nojoke
Any inferences drawn by the viewers; are done so at their own risk!

 

[vided]

Because it shows facts, some will call it political :banghead::banghead:

 

[Bob Denman]

Maybe this explains why the other party is so cranky... :shocked:

(Okay: This is a Political Post... pps

 

[kep-up]

Just sayin'................

 

[Bob Denman]

Scientific Conversion Factors:

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in theTwilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale
University Hospital = 1 IV League
27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision

Isn't all of this New Math fun??

 

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

Scientific Conversion Factors:

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in theTwilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale
University Hospital = 1 IV League
27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision

Isn't all of this New Math fun??

This is one of those jokes that has to be read to be understood! Don't bother to read it aloud to your spouse! :roflblack:

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

THE CANDY WITH THE HOLE IN IT.

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red - Cherry - Yellow - Lemon - Green - Lime - Orange - Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're a$$-holes!'

The teacher had to leave the room!

:banghead:

Jerry Baumchen

 

[Bob Denman]

This is one of those jokes that has to be read to be understood! Don't bother to read it aloud to your spouse! :roflblack:

#27 was my favorite!

 

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

#27 was my favorite!

Or as has been said, if con is the opposite of pro, what is the opposite of progress?

 

[vided]

Or as has been said, if con is the opposite of pro, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress :roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Joe T.]

A funny - - - - -

 

[Joe T.]

Another funny - - - -

 

[Joe T.]

One more tonight

 

[Bfromla]

SHE THE MARINE


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their
stories.


There were all the regular
types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the
teacher realized, that only Janie was left.


"Janie, do you have a story to share?"


'Yes ma'am. My daddy
told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in
Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out
over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of
whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't
break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell
you was the moral to this horrible story'?"

"Don't F*** with
Mommy when she's been drinking."


I love these touching stories !!!