Bob Denman
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:yikes:
-
There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
"Don't mess with the Moose"; is their motto!
oldguyinTX
New member
Bob Denman
New member
oldguyinTX
New member
mowin
New member
oldguyinTX
New member
Bob Denman
New member
When I get an annoying Sales Call (usually right in the middle of dinner!); I'll pick up the phone and say,
"Okay; it's done... But there's blood everywhere!"
and I hang up!
"Okay; it's done... But there's blood everywhere!"
and I hang up!
Bob Denman
New member
Sent to me, by a friend in Texas...
Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana,Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch ofgeese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That" thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
And there is more............. The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline. ***** wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 15 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.....Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. ....... If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved.....
Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana,Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch ofgeese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That" thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
And there is more............. The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline. ***** wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 15 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.....Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. ....... If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved.....
mowin
New member
Sent to me, by a friend in Texas...
Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana,Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch ofgeese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That" thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
And there is more............. The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline. ***** wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 15 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.....Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. ....... If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
Problem solved.....
I like it.:clap:
Especially the last half. :thumbup:
Bob Denman
New member
A lot of good stuff comes out of Texas! :clap:
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: Who knew?? :dontknow:
Bob Denman
New member
oldguyinTX
New member
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked::dontknow:
Bob Denman
New member
California, and Texas
CALIFORNIA:
•The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature
trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites
the Governor.
•The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi"
and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what
is natural.
•He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills
the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
•He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the
State $200 testing it for diseases.
•The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for
diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
•The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game
conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of
dangerous animals.
•The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote
awareness program" for residents of the area.
•The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat
rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the
world.
•The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.
The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with
additional special training re the nature of coyotes.
•PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit
against the state.
TEXAS
•The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A
coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
•The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps
jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point
cartridge.
•The buzzards eat the dead coyote.
•
And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
CALIFORNIA:
•The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature
trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites
the Governor.
•The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi"
and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what
is natural.
•He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills
the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
•He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the
State $200 testing it for diseases.
•The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for
diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
•The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game
conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of
dangerous animals.
•The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote
awareness program" for residents of the area.
•The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat
rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the
world.
•The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.
The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with
additional special training re the nature of coyotes.
•PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit
against the state.
TEXAS
•The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A
coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
•The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps
jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point
cartridge.
•The buzzards eat the dead coyote.
•
And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
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