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Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
JerryB
New member
Hi Bob,
Re: View attachment 139327
Saturday I went in to get a haircut. Asked the barber for the latest copy of PLAYBOY as he keeps them in a drawer. I found that there was not one joke in the entire issue.
Things do change; sometimes not for the better.
Jerry Baumchen
PS) For us old folks, that cartoon is from a very old PLAYBOY magazine.
Re: View attachment 139327
Saturday I went in to get a haircut. Asked the barber for the latest copy of PLAYBOY as he keeps them in a drawer. I found that there was not one joke in the entire issue.
Things do change; sometimes not for the better.
Jerry Baumchen
PS) For us old folks, that cartoon is from a very old PLAYBOY magazine.
Dammit Jerry, why'd you hafta tell us that?? :gaah:
The only reason I ever got PLAYBOY mag's was for the jokes (& maybe an occasional article too)!! :shocked:
pps:
The only reason I ever got PLAYBOY mag's was for the jokes (& maybe an occasional article too)!! :shocked:
pps:Bob Denman
New member
True Bob, true!! ^^
Altho the Jihadists might; by my count there are only 62...... Oh, hang on a minute. They might not be virgins.pps: 
:joke: :roflblack:
Altho the Jihadists might; by my count there are only 62...... Oh, hang on a minute. They might not be virgins.
pps: :joke: :roflblack:
JerryB
New member
Hi Peter,
Re: They might not be virgins.
This reminds of a story that I read a few years after Grace Kelly married Prince Ranier. Apparently, he was rather shocked to find out, on their wedding night, that she was not a virgin. Oh, the horror.
I have also read ( many years ago ) that Grace was quite the veteran of the old Casting Couch. She knew how to land a role in a movie.
:yikes:
Jerry Baumchen
Re: They might not be virgins.
This reminds of a story that I read a few years after Grace Kelly married Prince Ranier. Apparently, he was rather shocked to find out, on their wedding night, that she was not a virgin. Oh, the horror.
I have also read ( many years ago ) that Grace was quite the veteran of the old Casting Couch. She knew how to land a role in a movie.
:yikes:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
It's better to do business with an established firm; right? :dontknow:
I'd NEVER fly with Virgin America... nojoke
If it's THEIR first time: I don't want it to be my last! :shocked:
I'd NEVER fly with Virgin America... nojoke
If it's THEIR first time: I don't want it to be my last! :shocked:
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cuznjohn
New member
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...
mowin
New member
:roflblack: :roflblack:
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: I've been guilty of this one more than a couple of times also... pps:
pps:Bob Denman
New member
https://youtu.be/k8oJKa6ybRo
Now it seems as if this wiener, and not Bill's; might be the one to derail a campaign... :dontknow:
You just can't make this stuff up!
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IdahoMtnSpyder
Active member
Divorce
A couple of buddies are sitting in the bar having a few. One says, "I'm thinking about divorcing my wife. She hasn't spoken to me for 2 months! Nothing, no words at all, nada. It's starting to get on my nerves."
"Don't do it, man! You better think really hard about it. Those kind of women are hard to find!" :roflblack: :roflblack: :roflblack:
A couple of buddies are sitting in the bar having a few. One says, "I'm thinking about divorcing my wife. She hasn't spoken to me for 2 months! Nothing, no words at all, nada. It's starting to get on my nerves."
"Don't do it, man! You better think really hard about it. Those kind of women are hard to find!" :roflblack: :roflblack: :roflblack:
IdahoMtnSpyder
Active member
The Baptist Cowboy
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Budweiser. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving over seas some where. When we all left our home in Texas we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though...."
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Budweiser. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving over seas some where. When we all left our home in Texas we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though...."
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
A "refresher" of one liners for this election year:
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the
Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the
tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and
your opponents will do it for you.
~unknown~
Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~Ronald Reagan~
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign
funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about
us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to
be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be
better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~
There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on
Congressmen.
~Will Rogers
We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
~Kin Hubbard~
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the
Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even
where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the
tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and
your opponents will do it for you.
~unknown~
Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~Ronald Reagan~
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign
funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about
us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to
be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be
better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~
There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on
Congressmen.
~Will Rogers
We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
~Kin Hubbard~
vided
New member
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you
finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am sorry and am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."
"Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder."
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
"I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you
showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, and smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,
"They usually saluted and said, 'Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'"
Bob Denman
New member
Talk about NOT leaving the Boss anywhere to hide! :shocked:
Bob Denman
New member
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