Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me AGAIN, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time."Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?" I asked.
Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested that I go down
to the Senior Center and hang out with the fellows.

I did this and when I got home that night, I decided to play a prank on her.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 84-years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.

She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are
your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again," I said. "I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!" The line went dead.
Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun!​

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

:yikes: I was worried: she had the lunches in her backpack! :gaah:

 

[SpyderConvert]

Helicopters In The Area

 

[SpyderConvert]

Talkative Parrot

A truck driver's wife decided she would like some company during his long road trips so she decided to buy a parrot. At the pet store there was three parrots priced $500, $200, and $25. Curious about the price differences she approached the owner.

He explained, "The $500 parrot if fluent in five languages and is very polite to everyone. The $200 parrot only speaks two languages and is also very polite. The $25 parrot in unlike the others. He lived in a whore house, only speaks one language and often swears."

After thinking about it for a while she decided the $25 parrot was a lot like her husband and she was a bit short on funds so she bought him.

Upon arriving home the parrot looked around and exclaimed, "Wow! A new whore house and a great looking madam!" The trucker's wife laughed and went about her housework.

Later their daughters came home from school and the parrot exclaimed, "Not only a new whore house, but two great looking babes!" They all looked at each other and laughed.

About a week later the trucker came back from an extended trip. When he walked in the room the parrot shouted,"Joe, what took you so long to find the new place? You're going to love it here!"

Doctors think he will be out of intensive care in about a week.

 

[Bob Denman]

They say that the most expensive Parrot, is the one that knows when to keep it's mouth shut! :thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!
The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the
names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs,
huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

 

[Pirate looks at --]

.

This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!
The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the
names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs,
huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

let me guess...

California?

 

[SpyderConvert]

A Trip To Australia

I mean NO disrespect!!!!

 

[Pirate looks at --]

Received from a friend...

This is a VERY touching video, actually a piece of film that has been
made into a video, this is one that is NOT photo shopped, it's the
real scene!

Notice in the opening shot you'll see the gunner's position is all
shot to hell while the pilot's cockpit ahead of it is undamaged.
Later on notice the corpsman taking a fingerprint of the deceased
gunner, before the film continues, then showing the chaplain saying
the final prayers, followed by taps, then the sailors push the
aircraft and our patriotic airman over the side and watch it sink into
the distance sea. Here's one for a serious conversation with your
kids. THIS WAS REAL!

This is what 18 year old "kids" were doing in 1944. No safe spaces,
no hurtful unthinkable remarks that they couldn't cope with, just
dying for their country so the ungrateful, uninformed snowflakes of
today could act like fools decades later..............

This 2 minute video is pretty moving. Worth your while.
"What actually made this country great is ordinary guys like this
doing extraordinary things."

http://www.youtube.com/embed/jpt6Bvr2L-s?rel=0&controls=0& showinf

Moving indeed, but, perhaps more appreciated if it were not in the "Joke" thread.

 

[Bob Denman]

While :agree:: it offers some perspective; to our mirthful hiding place! :thumbup:

 

[Pirate looks at --]

I will give you that!

 

[Pirate looks at --]

let me guess...

California?

Hey now! That isn't necessary!

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[vided]

 

[SpyderConvert]

Moving indeed, but, perhaps more appreciated if it were not in the "Joke" thread.

You are correct! I guess that I thought that this was an "Off Topic" forum. My apologies!

 

[Bob Denman]

If you want to re-post in just the Off-Topic area; it sure wouldn't hurt our feelings...