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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
oldguyinTX
New member
oldguyinTX
New member
Black Pig
New member
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Don't muck around, Buzz. Who the f*ck do you think it is?"
"Oh Sorry, Neil."
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They've just commissioned the latest speed camera technology on the M25.
What a huge waste of public money.
They would rake it in if they introduced parking fines!
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Mick goes to visit Paddy and finds him building a brick wall in his living room.
“Bejesus Paddy!” Said Mick. “What the feck is going on?”
“It’s because of the snow,” replied Paddy.
“But what’s snow got to do with you building a brick wall in your living room?” asked Mick.
“I’m working from home,” said Paddy.
"Who's there?"
"Don't muck around, Buzz. Who the f*ck do you think it is?"
"Oh Sorry, Neil."
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They've just commissioned the latest speed camera technology on the M25.
What a huge waste of public money.
They would rake it in if they introduced parking fines!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Mick goes to visit Paddy and finds him building a brick wall in his living room.
“Bejesus Paddy!” Said Mick. “What the feck is going on?”
“It’s because of the snow,” replied Paddy.
“But what’s snow got to do with you building a brick wall in your living room?” asked Mick.
“I’m working from home,” said Paddy.
Last edited:
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
Jon and Matt have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Jon says, “Hey, Matt, there’s the Officer's Club. Let’s you and me stop in. ”
“But were privates,” protests Matt.
“Were sergeants now,” says Jon, pulling him inside.
“Now, Matt I’m gonna sit down and have a drink.”
“But were privates,” says Matt.
“You blind?” Asks Jon, pointing at his stripes, “We're sergeants are now.”
So they have their drinks, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Jon.
“You’re cute,” she says, “and I’d like to screw you, but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.”
Jon pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Matt, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it’s okay, give me the OK sign.”
So Matt goes to look up, comes back, and gives Jon the big OK sign.
Three weeks later Jon is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
“Matt,” he says, “Why’d you give me the OK?”
“Well, Jon, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates.”
He points to his stripes. “But we're sergeants now.”
nojoke
Jerry Baumchen
Jon and Matt have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Jon says, “Hey, Matt, there’s the Officer's Club. Let’s you and me stop in. ”
“But were privates,” protests Matt.
“Were sergeants now,” says Jon, pulling him inside.
“Now, Matt I’m gonna sit down and have a drink.”
“But were privates,” says Matt.
“You blind?” Asks Jon, pointing at his stripes, “We're sergeants are now.”
So they have their drinks, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Jon.
“You’re cute,” she says, “and I’d like to screw you, but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.”
Jon pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Matt, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it’s okay, give me the OK sign.”
So Matt goes to look up, comes back, and gives Jon the big OK sign.
Three weeks later Jon is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
“Matt,” he says, “Why’d you give me the OK?”
“Well, Jon, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates.”
He points to his stripes. “But we're sergeants now.”
nojoke
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
BigGuy66
Member
Mickey Mouse
Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald duck."
Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald duck."
SpyderConvert
Member
How to Give a Cat a Pill
How to give a cat a pill:
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, throw away soggy pill. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill into back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl, and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw. Force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
6. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.
7. Place cat in closet and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.
8. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat, and ring local pet shop to see if they have any goldfish.
How to give a dog a pill:
1. Wrap it in bacon.
How to give a cat a pill:
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, throw away soggy pill. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill into back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl, and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw. Force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
6. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill.
7. Place cat in closet and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.
8. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat, and ring local pet shop to see if they have any goldfish.
How to give a dog a pill:
1. Wrap it in bacon.
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Black Pig
New member
That had me howling with laughter, cheered me right up that did. :thumbup:
Bob Denman
New member
:roflblack: Me too! :roflblack:
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