Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[Bob Denman]

Leave one of these in a State Park near you! :roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Tanshanomi]

A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman. "Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 45."

"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"

"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."

"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."

 

[Joe T.]

Rajehr was being interviewed to work for the call-in help line for Humana. He had passed all of the test so far. The instructor said - "Rajehr, you only have one more test to pass, before being hired". "Please come up with a sentence using the colors pink, yellow & green." If he could do this one small task, Rajehr new he had the job and would be able to provided for his family. He sat for several minutes, trying to formulate a sentence that met this criteria. Finally he looked at the instructor and said "I think I have the answer for you".
The instructor smiled and said - "Very good. Let's hear what you have come up with".
Rajehr smiled broadly and said -- "When the phone goes GREEN, GREEN,,, I will PINK it up and say YELLOW!!!!"
Needless to say, Rajehr is now working for Humana.

 

[Joe T.]

Entering Heaven

Entering Heaven
A man dies and appears at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done a good deed?" asks St. Peter.

"Sure, one time I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a woman," the man says. "I walked up to the leader and punched him in the face, kicked over his bike, and told him, 'You leave her alone or you'll answer to me.'"

"That was very brave of you," says St. Peter. "When did this happen?"

"About two seconds ago."

 

[Joe T.]

A biker is riding along and stops to pick up a beautiful blonde who is hitch-hiking. She gets on behind him and they take off down the road. He has been having electrical troubles with his bike, and as they come into a town, he needs to stop for gas. He activates his turn signal and says - "Would you look behind you and tell me whether my turn signal is working?" She turns around, looks at the back of his bike and says - "Yes,,,, No,,,, Yes,,,, No"...........

 

[Joe T.]

A 6 year old is watching TV with his grandma in her bedroom.

After awhile, the young lad says "Grandma, Grampa died a long time ago, how come you
never got a boyfriend?"

Grandma replied, "The TV is my boyfriend. Sometimes it takes me to places I've never been,
Other times, it soothes me with music."

All of a sudden, the old TV went out, which it occasionally did.
Grandma got up and started to whack the TV. Just then, the doorbell rang.

The young boy rushed to answer the door.
When he opened the door, he found the Preacher standing there,

The Preacher said "Good afternoon young man, is your grandma home?"

The lad responded " Yes, she's in the bedroom, banging her boyfriend!"

 

[vided]

 

[SpyderConvert]

Kite Flying

So, I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for
a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Vicki is watching from the kitchen window,
muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me, 'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back,
'Make up your mind. Last night , you told me to go fly a kite!

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[vided]

 

[vided]

A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies room of the gas station.


As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, "Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"








The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It's on the left."








The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was and said,



"I'm the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I'll show you how to get to Heaven."








The little boy replied with a chuckle; "You're ****ting me, right?



You can't even find the Post Office."

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap: (Tell them the one about Hillary's phone call to the White House. :roflblack

 

[vided]

Head would explode :roflblack::roflblack::yes:

 

[Bob Denman]

Do you want me to throw it?

 

[vided]

Hillary phoned the president's office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the president; it’s an emergency!,” exclaimed Hillary.

After some cajoling, the president’s assistant agreed to wake him up.

“So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled President Trump.

“A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place.,” begged Hillary.

“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary.,” replied President Trump.​

​

​

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

Hillary phoned the president's office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the president; it’s an emergency!,” exclaimed Hillary.
After some cajoling, the president’s assistant agreed to wake him up.
“So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled President Trump.
“A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place.,” begged Hillary.
“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary.,” replied President Trump.
​

Okay: we DID have one guy's head explode... :dontknow:

 

[mowin]

Hillary phoned the president's office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the president; it’s an emergency!,” exclaimed Hillary.

After some cajoling, the president’s assistant agreed to wake him up.

“So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled President Trump.

“A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place.,” begged Hillary.

“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary.,” replied President Trump.​

​

​

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:.

 

[Lew L]

Hillary phoned the president's office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the president; it’s an emergency!,” exclaimed Hillary.

After some cajoling, the president’s assistant agreed to wake him up.

“So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled President Trump.

“A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place.,” begged Hillary.

“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary.,” replied President Trump.​

​

​

Can you all imagine what the "media" would do if President Trump tweeted this JOKE out. Their collective heads would explode.