Keeping the Rabbi.................

[IdahoMtnSpyder]

Keeping the Rabbi..............

During Saturday morning service the rabbi announced that he was planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in Venice and Sarasota, stands up and proclaims, "If the rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, "If the rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!" More sighs and loud applause.

Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the rabbi stays, I will give him sex." There is total silence.

The rabbi, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Rubin, you're a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?" Estelle's 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side. His wife replies, "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help and he said, 'Screw him.'"
�

 

[DLewis]

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: I know this is just a joke (a very funny joke at that) but I do believe someone WILL be offended and it will be removed from the board. Shame cause we all need a laugh or two during the day to make things a little normal and a little less stressful. You've been warned!:shocked::lecturef_smilie:

 

[softail]

Rabbi

Thanks for making me smile and giggle today! I needed that.:bowdown: :clap::clap::clap:

 

[Chupaca]

Really

I'm Jewish and think it a howl...:roflblack::roflblack: we do know how to enjoy life....:yes:even at 80/90:roflblack:

 

[vided]

I'm Jewish and think it a howl...:roflblack::roflblack: we do know how to enjoy life....:yes:even at 80/90:roflblack:

:agree::agree::agree: no offense taken here :clap::clap::clap:

 

[mowin]

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::thumbup:. No offense here. But I'm not Jewish. Toss in some Polish jokes.. I can take 'em...

 

[Bob Denman]

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: I know this is just a joke (a very funny joke at that) but I do believe someone WILL be offended and it will be removed from the board. Shame cause we all need a laugh or two during the day to make things a little normal and a little less stressful. You've been warned!:shocked::lecturef_smilie:

Relax a little bit... Isn't it better to be able to laugh a bit; than take umbrage at each and every perceived insult?
I caught some crap for my "Bacon Tree" joke a couple of years ago, and folks came to my defense pretty quickly... :thumbup:

 

[Cruzr Joe]

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::thumbup:. No offense here. But I'm not Jewish. Toss in some Polish jokes.. I can take 'em...

He was a Polish Rabbi.

 

[Bob Denman]

:yikes: NOW, you've made him mad... :yikes:

 

[Cruzr Joe]

:yikes: NOW, you've made him mad... :yikes:

Oy Vay. :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[szohar]

Funny

I am jewish and I think it is funny, actually I will forwarded this to my Rabbi.

 

[Bob Denman]

Okay; I'll throw this one on the pile again... :shocked:
Please note that it's more about the subtle nuances that have been missed in a second language, and not about a particular Religion's shortcomings or quirks.

Back in the cowboy days, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food.

No other people had been seen for days. Unexpectedly, they saw an old
Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed up to him and said,
"We're lost. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?"
"Vell," the old Jewish man said, "I vould definitely NOT go up dat hill
und down other side. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader..
"Yah, yah ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nutting vud I lie."
The leader goes back and tells his people that, if nothing else, they
might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge.
"So why did he say not to go there?" some pioneers asked.
"Oh, you know the Jewish folks - they don't eat bacon."
So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side.
Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre every one except the leader. He
manages to escape back to where the old Jewish man is sitting and enjoying
his drink.
The near-dead man starts shouting, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths!
We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree. Just hundreds
of Indians. They killed everyone but me."
The Jewish man holds up his hand and says, "oy, vait a minute, vait a
minute." He gets out an English-Yiddish dictionary and begins thumbing
through it.
"Gevalt, I made myself ah big mistake. It vuz not a bacon tree.
It vuz a ham bush!

 

[vided]

You got crap for dat.:yikes::yikes::yikes:

the only thing wrong with it is your ACCENT :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Bob Denman]

pps: My "Yiddish" comes with a United Methodist accent...

 

[mowin]

He was a Polish Rabbi.

That make me feel better. I hate being left out of the fun.:roflblack:

 

[Lew L]

Offended!!!!!

Hell No!!

Ya got to be able to laugh at yourself once in a while. Real discriminaltion and racism is one thing---- this is just a joke. Being of Russian and Polish blood lines, I had to have a good sense of humor a looooong time ago.

Kaos