Princeau99
New member
OK Bob, Hand gun or shot gun?
-
There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Can you pick out the Blonde?
Give up?
It's the one with the wrong leg in the air... :banghead:
Give up?
It's the one with the wrong leg in the air... :banghead:
Bob Denman
New member
Zip
New member
Bob Denman
New member
:firstplace:
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:
SpyderConvert
Member
The Ongoing Saga Of Men And Women
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
WOMAN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked
"No she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN ( a man's perspective )
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto the upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused. "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo-oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ..........so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!!!)
WIFE VS HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had let to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men....."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, " I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
and God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you."
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said "You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee"
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the
man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
at the top of several pages, that it did indeed say, "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left the note where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
And this final one is just for all the fine ladies reading this
God may have created man before
woman, but just remember, there is always a
ROUGH DRAFT BEFORE THE MASTERPIECE.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
WOMAN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked
"No she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN ( a man's perspective )
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto the upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused. "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo-oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ..........so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!!!)
WIFE VS HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had let to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men....."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, " I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
and God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you."
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said "You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee"
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the
man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
at the top of several pages, that it did indeed say, "HEBREWS"
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left the note where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
And this final one is just for all the fine ladies reading this
God may have created man before
woman, but just remember, there is always a
ROUGH DRAFT BEFORE THE MASTERPIECE.
Iamjoey
New member
The Pastor entered his donkey in race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where
it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass
and just cover your own !!!
You'll be a lot happier and live longer!
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where
it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass
and just cover your own !!!
You'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Bob Denman
New member
SpyderConvert
Member
This Is Brilliant!
SpyderConvert
Member
Medical Wisdom
SpyderConvert
Member
Best Ad Ever!
SpyderConvert
Member
Sad News From Minnesota (Oldie)
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 75.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including:
Mrs, Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty
Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site
was piled high with many flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described
Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in
show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He
was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough
on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man
and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John
Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus, they had one in the oven.
He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and
pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 75.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including:
Mrs, Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty
Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site
was piled high with many flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described
Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in
show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He
was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough
on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man
and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John
Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus, they had one in the oven.
He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and
pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift.
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