Bob Denman
New member
I'd rather be one of those, than the guy whose job it is to moisten the corks before they are inserted into the wine bottle, and sealed into place.
A "Cork-Soaker" :yikes:
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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
A "Cork-Soaker" :yikes:
SpyderConvert
Member
Elderly Musings
Working out my travel plans for 2018
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
Working out my travel plans for 2018
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
Bob Denman
New member
SpyderConvert
Member
Mickey Mouse
Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout “Donald, duck!”
Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout “Donald, duck!”
Bob Denman
New member
:roflblack: ...and the Disney Legal Team is now drafting a lawsuit alleging copyright infringement! :shocked:
Bob Denman
New member
SpyderConvert
Member
Young Businessmen
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall.
As yet, the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks had been set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass,
then in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,
"You must be doing well. Only two left."
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall.
As yet, the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks had been set up.
One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass,
then in a loud voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,
"You must be doing well. Only two left."
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
:yes::yes::yes:
Jerry Baumchen
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
:yes::yes::yes:
Jerry Baumchen
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners and asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.”
:yes: :yes::yes:
Jerry Baumchen
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners and asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
Michael said, “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”
The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”
Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”
“I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.”
:yes: :yes::yes:
Jerry Baumchen
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Sounds like little Johnny had some special tutoring...
Bob Denman
New member
Another potential individual who will be outed by the #metoo folks... :shocked:
But the kid does have style!
But the kid does have style!
PrairieSpyder
New member
But now I wonder why he's called "Little" Johnny. :lecturef_smilie::lecturef_smilie::lecturef_smilie:
Bob Denman
New member
I took down my Rebel flag (which you can't buy on EBAY any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.
I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN Buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.
Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.
Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way, and security can't pat me down. If they say I'm a male wearing a burka, I just say I'm feeling like a woman today.
Hot Damn...Safe At Last.
I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN Buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.
Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I've NEVER felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.
Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way, and security can't pat me down. If they say I'm a male wearing a burka, I just say I'm feeling like a woman today.
Hot Damn...Safe At Last.
PrairieSpyder
New member
:roflblack::roflblack::thumbup::thumbup::roflblack::roflblack::2thumbs::2thumbs::roflblack::roflblack:
Indyron
New member
Facebook
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I'm feeling at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog, of me gardening, golfing and taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what everybody does every day.
I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them, "I like them."
And, it works... Just like Facebook....
I already have four people following me. .
Two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist...
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I'm feeling at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog, of me gardening, golfing and taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what everybody does every day.
I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them, "I like them."
And, it works... Just like Facebook....
I already have four people following me. .
Two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist...
Bob Denman
New member
IdahoMtnSpyder
Active member
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
It takes a man who is very "secure"; to use Crisco as a sex lube. :thumbup:
After all: isn't that the stuff that's called "shortening"? :yikes:
After all: isn't that the stuff that's called "shortening"? :yikes:
ThreeWheels
Active member
It depends on who he is with. Crisco is also called lard, or "Fat In The Can"
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