• There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.

Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

The Weekend

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party." The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know how it goes." The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds the same guy waiting for him on the door-step. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?" The guy replies, "Quick, I need Blue Ice" (muscle pain relief). The pharmacist, knowing what the guy had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive." The guy says, "No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm." Pharmacist: "What?? What happened?" Guy replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion." Pharmacist: "Oh my god, and then what ? " Guy: "The girls never showed up!"
 
Oldies, but GOODIES!

===================
HISTORY THAT SHOULD BE PASSED ON

Frank Sinatra considered Kate Smith the best singer of her time, and said that when he and a million other guys first heard her sing "God Bless America" on the radio, they all pretended to have dust in their eyes as they wiped away a tear or two.

Here are the facts; The link at the bottom will take you to a video showing the very first public singing of "God Bless America". But before you watch it you should know the story behind the first public showing of the song.

The time was 1940. America was still in a terrible economic depression. Hitler was taking over Europe and Americans were afraid we'd have to go to war. It was a time of hardship and worry for most Americans.

This was the era just before TV when radio shows were HUGE and American families sat around their radios in the evenings, listening to their favorite entertainers and no entertainer of that era was bigger than Kate Smith.

Kate was also large; plus size, as we now say, and the popular phrase still used today is in deference to her; "It ain't over till the fat lady sings."

Kate Smith might not have made it big in the age of TV but with her voice coming over the radio, she was the biggest star of her time.

Kate was also patriotic. It hurt her to see Americans so depressed and afraid of what the next day would bring. She had hope for America, and faith in her fellow Americans. She wanted to do something to cheer them up, so she went to the famous American song-writer Irving Berlin (who also wrote White Christmas) and asked him to write a song that would make Americans feel good again about their country. When she described what she was looking for, he said he had just the song for her. He went to his files and found a song that he had written but never published, 22 years before - in 1917. He gave it to her and she worked on it with her studio orchestra. She and Irving Berlin were not sure how the song would be received by the public, but both agreed they would not take any profits from God Bless America. Any profits would go to the Boy Scouts of America . Over the years, the Boy Scouts have received millions of dollars in royalties from this song.

This video starts out with Kate Smith coming into the radio studio with the orchestra and an audience. She introduces the new song for the very first time and starts singing. After the first couple verses, with her voice in the background, scenes are shown from the 1940 movie, You're In The Army Now. At the 4:20 mark of the video you see a young actor in the movie, sitting in an office, reading a paper; it's Ronald Reagan.

To this day, God Bless America stirs our patriotic feelings and pride in our country. Back in 1940, when Kate Smith went looking for a song to raise the spirits of her fellow Americans, I doubt whether she realized just how successful the results would be for her fellow Americans during those years of hardship and worry...and for many generations of Americans to follow.

Now that you know the story of the song, I hope you'll enjoy it.

Many people don't know there's a lead in to the song since it usually starts with God Bless America ... So here's the entire song as originally sung. Enjoy it! Click below:

Kate Smith introduces God Bless America - YouTube


https://www.youtube.com/embed/TnQDW-NMaRs?rel=0


God Bless America!
==================
From John L.
Future Son-in-Law
A young woman brought her fiancee home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told her father to find out about the young man.

The father invited the fiancee to his study for a talk.
"So what do you do for a living?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a Biblical scholar," he replied.

"A Biblical scholar. Hmm........" , the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry Sir, God will provide," replied the fiancee.

The conversation proceeded like this and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did it go Honey?"

The father answered, "He has no job, no plans and he thinks I'm God!!"
========================
From William A.
EVOLUTION IN TEACHING MATH SINCE THE 1950s

1. Teaching Math In The 1950's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In The 1960's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In The 1970's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
$80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In The 1980's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
$80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number
20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990's
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands He does this so he can make a profit of
$20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class
participation after answering the question: How did the birds and
squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong
answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok.)

6. Teaching Math In The 2000's
Same question as number 5 but if you have special needs or just feel you need
assistance because of race, color, religion, sex, age, childhood
memories, criminal background, then don't answer and the correct answer
will be provided for you.
==================
From Kathleen B.
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you believe them but, if they tell you there is wet paint, you have to touch it to check?
 
Joe T. said:
===================
HISTORY THAT SHOULD BE PASSED ON



Kate Smith introduces God Bless America - YouTube


https://www.youtube.com/embed/TnQDW-NMaRs?rel=0


God Bless America!
Click to expand...
This deserves to be in its own thread!

From what I see on YouTube the video is a recreation of her first broadcast of the song in 1938 done in 1943 for the movie "This is the Army". What isn't mentioned, and what I wonder about, is if the audio of Kate Smith singing was dubbed from a recording of the first broadcast, or if she sang it for the movie. In any case, it's truly heart warming and inspiring.
 
UtahPete said:
Which one; "You're in the Army Now"?
Click to expand...
We currently have 351, 161 views in this thread. :clap:
Let's not get it pulled for a Political squabble... :shocked:

Besides: I lost all of my best jokes when my computer died. I need to go back through this thread, and pull the best ones! :thumbup:
 
Hi folks,

Germany's Angela Merkel was going to Paris for a conference when the French customs officer asked: 'Occupation?'

She replied, 'No, just visiting.'

Jerry Baumchen
 
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