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Joke of the Day Club
- Thread starter JerryB
- Start date
Jeriatric
Thinks out loud
cuznjohn
New member
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in placed in his room as his last wishes, and when everything is ready he began to speak:
“My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.
“My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end.”
“My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center.”
“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks by the river.
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, “Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property”
Sarah said “Property? …. the old bastard had a paper route!”
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in placed in his room as his last wishes, and when everything is ready he began to speak:
“My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses.
“My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end.”
“My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center.”
“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks by the river.
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, “Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property”
Sarah said “Property? …. the old bastard had a paper route!”
Bob Denman
New member
Cuzn,
Is that bike for THIS guy? :dontknow:
or for you??
Is that bike for THIS guy? :dontknow:
or for you??
SpyderConvert
Member
Top Ten Country Western Songs
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win.
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass Out All Day Long
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win.
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass Out All Day Long
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked:
cuznjohn
New member
this old man is on his death bed, he has saved his whole life and never spent any money on his wife or himself. right before he died he kept saying to his wife, promise me that you will bury me with all my money. after begging her so much she agreed to let him take his money with him.
on the day of his funeral, the wife shows up at the wake with a shoe box, and puts it in the coffin with him. the daughter says to her mom,,, MOM!!! you really didn't take all his money and out and put it with him, did you ?. the wife said YOU KNOW I AM A GOOD RELIGIOUS WOMAN, and that i keep my promises, so i took all his money, deposited it in my account, then i wrote him a check
on the day of his funeral, the wife shows up at the wake with a shoe box, and puts it in the coffin with him. the daughter says to her mom,,, MOM!!! you really didn't take all his money and out and put it with him, did you ?. the wife said YOU KNOW I AM A GOOD RELIGIOUS WOMAN, and that i keep my promises, so i took all his money, deposited it in my account, then i wrote him a check
Bob Denman
New member
:agree:...As long as you leave her roasts alone! :lecturef_smilie:
cuznjohn
New member
believe it or not, that movie stopped me from swimming in the ocean, and i used to love swimming. i still look in a pool b4 i go into it
Bob Denman
New member
Go get yourself a sandwich and a beer... nojokeHere's a movie that'll have you worrying about ALL of the water!! :yikes:
mowin
New member
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: Oh great... :gaah:
Now his hot tub is gonna be out in the front yard, with a "for Sale" sign in it! :banghead:
Now his hot tub is gonna be out in the front yard, with a "for Sale" sign in it! :banghead:
Pirate looks at --
New member
this is also an actual country song written by Rodney Crowell and Vince Gill! Hey all the others might be real too!:roflblack:
https://youtu.be/s6Oh7NVuwEk
https://youtu.be/pjkLf_X88WM
Bob Denman
New member
cuznjohn
New member
sold the hot tub, just wasn't using it enough, and needed the cash
PrairieSpyder
New member
I recognized several of them as real songs.
