Absence

**BRPjunkie** · 03-23-2011, 09:57 AM

I have been away from the site for awhile. Seven months ago today, I lost my wife. Heart attack at 60 after 40 years together. I visited the site a few times, but did not feel compelled to jump in on any of the threads. It simply did not seem very important as I tried to adjust to the loss. Scotty was the only Spyderlover I had shared this loss with as four days before she died, we were with Scotty and Nancy for his first PWC ride.

My reason for posting this message is to remind everyone to connect with your family and friends. If I could take back every one of my 1,175 posts on this site and instead have a minute converstion with my wife, I would. I have found this site extremely helpful in learning about the Spyder, it's accessories, modifications, maintenance and the people who own them. Like many, at times I was connected to this sight more than I was connected to my real life. One of the problems associated with all social networks (Facebook, Twitter, Spyderlovers) is at times they become almost addicting.

I would not discourage anyone from continuing to use this sight to learn and grow as a Spyder owner and make new friends, but please do not let it interfere with your real world relationships. I know that many have turned their virtual Spyderlovers connections into such real life relationships and that is one of the great results of the site.

I plan to continue to visit the site, but I will try very hard to only participate if I can add something to a thread and not simply sit at the computer engaging in virtual conversation when the real thing is right outside my door.

Please do not reply to this thread with expressions of sympathy or condolences for my loss as that is not its purpose. Many members of this forum have had or will have similar losses and there are people in our real life today that need and deserve that support.

I love my Spyder and I love my wife, I just wish I had told her that about 1,175 more times.

**dancogan** · 03-23-2011, 10:07 AM

Wise words - thank you.

As a fellow Michigander, and not that far away, welcome back and I look forward to meeting you some time in the not too distant future.

**Firefly** · 03-23-2011, 10:08 AM

Glad you're still around here....

Thanks for the update and advice from the heart. I agree the internet can overtake a persons life to the point of interfering with their personal relations, but it can also enhance relationships if used properly.

I've made some great life-long friends out here, not to mention that my participation on this site led to going to various Spyder events and eventually brought Tina (8legs) and I together......

Moderation and balance is the key.

We'll have to have a Michigan Spyder meet up sometime once the weather gets better!

Take care!

**dltang** · 03-23-2011, 10:17 AM

BRP welcome back and those are great words of advice. It is about balance though as Dan (firefly) said. It is due to the internet connections of this site that I have so many more close friends with a common bond. But I do agree, spend real time with real people and do not let this or other social networks prevent you from that.

I know you asked for no condolences but I will keep you in my prayers as I know personally how difficult it is when a loved one that close dies. Healing takes times and no time does not cure all wounds, it just makes it easier to live with the gaping hole in your life.

Thank you for stopping in and we definitely need a MI ride this summer. Maybe that Gizzard City meet will happen for lunch, just not this Sat.

**bullant12** · 03-23-2011, 10:20 AM

Wow... that went straight to the heart! I thank you for your words!!

And goes without saying that I feel for your loss. My deepest condolences for you and your family from our family.

**NancysToy** · 03-23-2011, 10:21 AM

It's nice to see you here again, Mike. This is a healing milestone that Nancy and I have hoped for. I think your advice is good stuff. I probably post some stuff here that is just virtual conversation, but I always try to be helpful, for the most part. Don't forget that a little camaraderie is useful, too, however. We are all friends, even though some of us are separated by many many miles. If the choice is to touch base with friends online, or not be in contact at all, the virtual world can be a good thing. It is all about balance, I guess.

Still looking forward to our first ride to meet for lunch, for the season. See you soon.

**SpyderDuck** · 03-23-2011, 11:00 AM

Bonding with my kid sister was one of the main reasons I bought my Spyder; now we can ryde together, and are closer than ever. Thanks for reminding me that it was money well spent.

**ARtraveler** · 03-23-2011, 11:05 AM

Wise words indeed.

with Scotty and the others. Thank you for sharing with the forum.

**CyncySpyder** · 03-23-2011, 11:10 AM

And Thank You for Sharing.

Dave & Teddy

**medic 1** · 03-23-2011, 11:12 AM

Wonderful posting, so many people forget the things that in all actuallity should mean more in life only to favor things that sometimes only feed an immediate need. Welcome back your wisdom should be an inspiration to all. Thank you Bill

**Some Guy** · 03-23-2011, 11:45 AM

Well stated, Mike. I know I forget to keep in contact with many people. Your post is a good reminder that it's not "all about me".

Hopefully we'll meet up sometime this ryding season.

Mike (a.k.a. the work-a-day Mike!)

**bikeguy** · 03-23-2011, 12:05 PM

Very good advice. I enjoy Spyderlovers and I've met a lot of great people and learned a lot from it but the internet is no substitute for the real world and face to face relationships.

And those wise words come at a very appropriate time as Dudley, Jennifer, and their delightful 2 year old granddaughter, Elysha ,have just left our house after a wonderful visit this morning. It was very nice to get to meet them after communicating with them on Spyderlovers and I was reminded again that real, face to face interaction is always the best kind. Looking forward to meeting many more of you at Cuba.

Cotton

**DynamoBT** · 03-23-2011, 02:14 PM

Very wise words. I wish you all the best as you move on in your life.

**IWN2RYD** · 03-23-2011, 04:17 PM

Good post and thank you... It took us about 9 months to come out of the fog after loosing our 21 year old son (He was a passenger in an auto accident, everyone else is still with us). Sometimes we want things back, but they are what they are and we live smarter lives today because of our past learning experiences. In every level of life...

We ryde today in his Spirit and will until the man upstairs says it is time to stop

**bruiser** · 03-23-2011, 05:52 PM

I don't think I can add anymore to what has already been said.

**SpyderWolf** · 03-25-2011, 02:59 PM

Very good advice and well stated. Thanks for the input as I am sure it has made many of us perform a self check to make sure we are maintaining the proper balance in our relationships.

**Marker** · 03-25-2011, 07:38 PM

Thanks for the wise words.

**pitmon** · 03-25-2011, 08:41 PM

thanks for the wise words

**musicarcade** · 03-25-2011, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by BRPjunkie

........I love my Spyder and I love my wife, I just wish I had told her that about 1,175 more times.

You may have wished you had told her you loved her 2000 more times, but I have a funny feeling that she knew you loved her that much.

Missing someone is soooo difficult and I feel for you. Cherish the forty years you did have. It is wonderful you had that much time together.

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