Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

This morning I was beaten up in an elevator by a rather busty woman.

I was staring at her bazoomers whe she said, "Would you please press one?"

So I did....

I don't remember much after that......


:shocked:


Jerry Baumchen

 

[Bob Denman]

You pressed the WRONG one! :shocked:
Next time; try the other!

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[Bob Denman]

:yikes:

 

[Bob Denman]

:gaah:

 

[Bob Denman]

:shocked: :shocked:

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

During my recent physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.

I described a typical day, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few "leaks" behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of the day I drank 8 beers."

Inspired by thestory, the doctor said, "You must be one heck of an outdoorsman!"

No, I replied, "I'm just a crummy golfer."

Jerry Baumchen

 

[Bob Denman]

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: :2thumbs:

 

[dallidion]

Your Corvette may go zero to sixty in three seconds flat but I can go from zero to bitch in an instant...!!!

 

[Bob Denman]

:yikes: I seriously doubt that it's true... :thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

:yikes: :yikes:

Hey Cuzn: Friend of yours??

 

[Bob Denman]

How would YOU have scored this Kid's Test Answers?


Q1..
In which battle did Napoleon die? *
his last battle

Q2..
Where was the Declaration of Independence
signed? *
at the bottom of the page

Q3..
River Ravi flows in which state? *
liquid

Q4..
What is the main reason for divorce? *
marriage

Q5..
What is the main reason for failure? *
exams

Q6..
What can you never eat for breakfast? *
Lunch & dinner

Q7..
What looks like half an apple? *
The other half

Q8..
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea
what it will become? *
Wet

Q9..
How can a man go eight dayswithout
sleeping ? *
No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10.
How can you lift an elephant with
one hand? *
You will never find an elephant that
has one hand.

Q11.
If you had three apples and four oranges in one
hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand,
what would you have ? *
Very large hands

Q12.
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how
long would it take four men to build it? *No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13.
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor
without cracking it? *



Any way you want, concretefloors
are very hard to crack.

 

[sddinnh]

Cute - novel answers that are outside the box. As an engineer I appreciate that :clap:

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat .....and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother .

"Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya idiot!"


:yikes:

Jerry Baumchen

 

[PrairieSpyder]

Q1..
In which battle did Napoleon die?*
his last battle

Q2..
Where was the Declaration of Independence
signed?*
at the bottom of the page

Q3..
River Ravi flows in which state?*
liquid

Q4..
What is the main reason for divorce?*
marriage

Q5..
What is the main reason for failure?*
exams

Q6..
What can you never eat for breakfast?*
Lunch & dinner

Q7..
What looks like half an apple?*
The other half

Q8..
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea
what it will become?*
Wet

Q9..
How can a man go eight dayswithout
sleeping ?*
No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10.
How can you lift an elephant with
one hand?*
You will never find an elephant that
has one hand.

Q11.
If you had three apples and four oranges in one
hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand,
what would you have ?*
Very large hands

Q12.
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how
long would it take four men to build it?*No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13.
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor
without cracking it? *



Any way you want, concretefloors
are very hard to crack.

The problem here is imprecise questions . . .

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field tripto the local racetrack (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'

'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help........'

:yikes:

Jerry Baumchen

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[JerryB]

Hi folks,

A couple was having a romantic dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Kathleen, soon we will have been married for 40 years, and there's something I have often wondered about. In all of these 40 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Kathleen replied, "Gerry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 40 years, but always for a good reason."

"I never suspected”, said Gerry. “Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"

Kathleen said, "The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Gerry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "Thank you. I can forgive you for that. You saved our home. But what about the second time?"

Kathleen replied "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge?"

"I recall that," says Gerry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course, I can forgive you for that. But tell me about the third time."

"All right", Kathleen said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 73 more votes...and you won?"

:shocked:

Jerry Baumchen