Missing---Joke Forum, so I'll just start a thread.

[ThreeWheels]

Speaking of Threads.................... This is old, yet still relevant. And yes, you can find many of MY posts that fit right in.

HOW MANY GROUP POSTERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

 

[BLUE MULE]

6-to show a picture of their old lightbulb and a picture of their new "moded" lightbulb!

 

[Bob Denman]

I think that you might have forgotten about the 18 folks with horror stories about how a light bulb changing went horribly wrong and they ended up in an ambulance... :shocked:

 

[freebob]

Lite Bulbs

I think that you might have forgotten about the 18 folks with horror stories about how a light bulb changing went horribly wrong and they ended up in an ambulance... :shocked:

...

The one who ended up in ambulance, Took his spyder to Dealer for Lite Bulb change...

Paid 11.00 Special Imported Chinese bulb.
89.00 Labor with 10% Discount
100.00 Total Charge
Then suffered a fainting spell...
EMC Charges unknown...


Freebob...:doorag:...

 

[retread]

How many MICE does it take to screw in a light bulb?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Just 2, but I don't know how they get in there.:shocked:

john

 

[ThreeFeet]

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:Too funny!!!!!

 

[wyliec]

And, about 3 or 4 posters who copy a large post to respond.

 

[wyliec]

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

This one is so true.

 

[StriperKing]

Almost didn`t read this one. Glad I did, how true. Best laugh I had all day. Liked the mouse one to.

 

[Bob Denman]

( Seen in Meredith, N.H. this weekend...)

"If you want Breakfast in bed I suggest that you go sleep in the kitchen!" :shocked:

 

[warp10]

*HIS AND HER DIARY FOR THE SAME DAY*

*Her Diary:*
Tonight, I thought
my husband was acting weird. We had
made plans to meet at a nice restaurant
for dinner. I was
shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was
upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested
that we go somewhere quiet so we
could talk. He agreed,
but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong;
he
said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He
said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do
with me, and not to worry
about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled
slightly,
and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't
know why
he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost
him completely, as
if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just
sat
there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem
distant and
absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I
decided to go to bed. About 15
minutes later, he came to
bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and
his thoughts
were somewhere else. He fell asleep -- I cried.
I don't know
what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts
are with someone else. My life
is a disaster.


*His Diary:*
Bike wouldn't start; can't figure out
why.

 

[SpyderRyder2B]

true

hubby says that is true.:roflblack:

 

[warp10]

always ask, never assume

His request approved, the CNN News photographer
quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport
to charter a flight.


He was told a twin-engine plane
would be waiting for him at the airport.


Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane
warming up outside a hanger.



He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut,
and shouted, 'Let's go'.



The pilot taxied out, swung the plane
into the wind and took off.



Once in the air, the photographer instructed
the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make
low passes so I can take pictures
of the fires on the hillsides.'


'Why?' asked the pilot.



'Because I'm a photographer for CNN'
he responded, 'and I need to get
some close up shots.'



The pilot was strangely silent for a moment,
finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me,
is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

 

[Bob Denman]

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S. man and posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there “degrees” of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God, if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football, if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-

16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.


(I'm probably in trouble for this one; I apologize to anybody offended!!!) :shocked:

 

[bullant12]

Pretty funny thread!!!

 

[Vyperyder]

threewheels,
you forgot the one anal-retentive poster who asked that you be banned from further posting because you started a light/lite/lamp/war.
and the three from ethiopia who got together and asked what a light/lite/lamp was anyway that everyone was getting so excited about.
cheers

I must admit I am not a big reader, but I sure am glad I never read Leviticus...He must have been a mean old.....
Of course anything can and is justified in the name of religion...oops!!!

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Blue Star]

Speaking of Threads.................... This is old, yet still relevant. And yes, you can find many of MY posts that fit right in.

HOW MANY GROUP POSTERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

Too funny, as I work for GE lighting (really, I do) and could not stop laughing on this posting :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[Blue Star]

That was not funny...

(I'm probably in trouble for this one; I apologize to anybody offended!!!) :shocked:

I am offended, and amazed because this "joke" was not even close to funny. If I had made a joke about Christians, I would have been slammed down real hard. Quoting G-D's word, to me, is no joke no matter what your beliefs are. I do understand that what is funny to some is not to others, so I promise I will still read your posts.

 

[ARtraveler]

We could get into a great theological debate on this issue--and I have some great replies concerning the Old Testament vs. the New Testament.

I was once a ministerial student--but did not end up going into that field.

This site is probably not a good place to discuss these issues though.

I understand and take it in the light it was intended--a joke, counter joke thing--with no intention of getting into deep theology.

What say--we just leave it at that.

Politics and religion, are hot-button issues that are a cause for getting people going.

Just my .02 on this subject.

Update: It appears that the two persons who were offended by the religious nature of one of the posts above have deleted their posts.

 

[ThreeWheels]

This is my thread. Keep it funny, not confrontational or I'll erase it.

If I wanted an argument, I'll just go talk to my ex-wife.

Here is something that circulated a while back.


Subject: Go Figure

This is a copy of an actual letter sent to Ryan DeVries, from the
Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. Wait
till you read this guy's response - but read the entire letter before
you get to the response.

Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget
Pierson, MI 49339
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;

Site Location: Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner
and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A
review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws
annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities
at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2002.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement
action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RESPONSE:

Dear Mr. Price,

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County

Reference your certified letter dated 12/17/2000 has been referred to me
to respond to. First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal
landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.

I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State
unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris"
dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
natural building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity. My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers? or,
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
the Freedom of Information Act I request completed copies of all those
other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we
will see if there really is a dam violation of P! art 301, Inland Lakes
and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,
Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.3010,1 to
324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. I have several
concerns. My first concern is aren't the beavers entitled to legal
representation?

The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay
for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a
lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a
natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In
other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
harrass them and call their dam names. If you want the stream "restored"
to a dam free-flow condition - please contact the beavers - but if you
are going to arrest them they obviously did not pay any attention to
your dam letter (being unable to read English).

In my humble ! opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to live
and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the
natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2002 The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, and
there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them
then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears.
Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The
bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on your answering machine, I am sending this response to
your office via another government organization - the USPS. Maybe,
someday, it will get there.

Sincerely,
Stephen L. Tvedten
The University of Texas at: Austin
Office Community Relations/Accounting unit
P.O. Box 7367
Austin, TX 78713